Afire Love - Spring 2015

Spring 2015

He looks outside the half-opened window, watching the trees sway as the wind blew past through it. He senses the freshening smell of morning dew, combined with the fragrance of the blooming flowers. The mighty sun was shining brightly, radiating its warmth to all over the city. Small trace of smile spread across his face as he looks up to the sky that was painted with soft shades of blue. The scenery is absolutely beautiful.

It was spring, after all.

A flock of birds fly past his window across the open sky freely, as if they have never been burden with any problems throughout their lives. Slight feeling of envy seeps into his heart. He wants to be like those birds, enjoying life without having to think about the death that’s coming after him.

Everyone will die, sooner or later. That’s the bitter truth that every soul on this Earth will have to go through. But he doesn’t want to die. Not now, at least. There are a lot of things that he wanted to achieve in life and he’s only 23.

He wanted to graduate from engineering school with flying colors, have a job and become one of the most successful persons in the world.  He wanted to have his own small but happy family with his better half. But he certainly can’t reach those things if he has to die early.

A heavy sigh escapes from his mouth and he lay back, trying to relax himself on the couch. He stares blankly at the white ceiling right above him. Faces of the people that played an important role in his life suddenly come in view. He can see clearly all of their smiles, their laughter, and all the memories that they went through together — it’s beautiful but also painful at the same time.

He closes his eyes and tiny drops of crystal clear tears run down his cheeks.

He’s not ready yet to leave them. He’s not ready yet to leave the boys. He’s not ready yet to leave her.

He’s not ready and will never be.

-----

The atmosphere at the hospital was calm and less hectic than usual but the smell of medicines still disturb him despite of coming here for so many time, thus it doesn’t quite help him in easing the nervousness he felt deep down inside.

Mark begins to feel all dizzy and he stops in track. His chest starts to rise up and down because of the rapid breathing he’s having. Tiny beads of sweats slowly form on his forehead. He needs to go the bathroom ASAP.

Both Jinyoung and Jaebum who were in front of Mark stop walking as they sense that Mark isn’t following them anymore. They turn their back and watches Mark who was already bending his body, placing both of his palms onto his knees. They absolutely can hear Mark’s heavy breathing. Both of them hurriedly stand besides Mark.

“I can’t do this anymore…” Mark flops down to the floor. Jaebum grabs Mark’s right arm and put it around his neck. Jinyoung does the same for the left arm and they both pull Mark up and walk him towards the nearest bench. Mark sits down and lean his back. He closes his eyes shut, trying to chase away the dizziness and nausea that began to strike him.

“Mark, don’t give up. This medication will help you. It’s only a matter of time.”

Mark opens his eyes as those words of Jaebum make way through his ears. He automatically laughs at it in a sarcastic way. So much for a motivation…

“Really Jaebum, like really?”

Jaebum bit his lower lips and his slowly clenches a fist. His throat becomes a bit dry and Mark’s ironic laugh certainly starts to bug him. “I’m serious, dude. Giving up won’t kill away those nasty cancerous cells that you have no idea, replicates in your body in a rapid rate day by day! If you think that we’re doing this for fun, then you are wrong. This is not a joke, Mark Tuan.” Tears started to pool in his eyes.

Please don’t give up Mark because we’re definitely not giving up on you, please…

Jinyoung gently pats Jaebum’s back and tries to back him off from Mark a bit. He looks at Mark and Jaebum, back and forth. He let out a sigh. These two better not make a scene here.

“Mark, Jaebum is right. Please, don’t give up. We have come this far. You have to continue doing all those chemos. It will help you.” Jinyoung swallow his saliva hard. He felt like his words doesn’t sound quite assuring but it is better to just say anything than being stone cold.

What else can he say?

Mark suddenly stands up and stares at both of his best friends. His lips tremble and his whole body is shaking. “Try placing yourselves in my situation and you’ll know how hard it is to go through all of this. You guys literally have no idea how it feels to swallow all those disgusting drugs that sometimes paralyzes yourself and forbid you from doing anything you want. You guys don’t know how awful it is to have needles being pricked and stabbed through your skin and vein and you guys seriously have no idea how sickening is the aftermath of having all those stuff…”

“Going through chemos isn’t as easy as it sounds and it really, definitely sucks.” Mark bit his lips hard.

“And you are wrong, Jaebum. This is a joke. No, actually, my whole life is a joke and there is nothing you can do about it.” With that, tears starts to fall and he weeps in despair. Jinyoung wraps his arms around him tightly and he too, cries.

Jaebum runs his fingers through his hair and slumps down onto the bench. He secretly prays that this whole crappy thing will end soon and that his best friend won’t have to suffer all of this.

He prays that they can lead their life just like how it used to be; normally, peacefully without any pain.

-----

He spends most of the time indoors.

After knowing that he is currently having this cancer, Mark slowly shuts himself from the outer world. At the early stages of the disease, he still went to college and attends classes. But when his lecturers know about it, they told him to just rest at home and focus on his treatments and medications. They told him to come back when everything is finally okay and they will certainly accept him with open arms and hearts.

But the truth is, he will never be okay. The possibility of having this disease cured is low, he knows. Everyone know, even the doctors. They kept saying that he’s going to be okay when really, it is just a lie and it is only a courtesy of the doctors to say to their patients. He knows he can’t be healed. Unless his fairy god mother suddenly pop in front of him out of nowhere and used her magic on him to chase the cancer away.

If only he had one but fairy god mothers absolutely do not exist so yeah.

After the incidence at the hospital few days ago, he decided to go back the very next day it happened, to have his chemotherapy done. He apologized to Jaebum and Jinyoung for being such a jerk. He knew that his friends meant well but with his condition right now, he’s easily being influenced by his emotion and heart rather than his brain and rational thinking. Luckily, his friends understood him enough and kept on supporting him.

He kept looking out at the window when he suddenly hears clanking sounds of keys outside of his house. The front door opens and Jackson and Mia come in view. Both of them walk towards him and he sparks them a small smile. Jackson slumps himself on the couch besides Mark and spontaneously hug him.

“Markkkkkkk~ I miss you~ don’t you miss me?” Jackson keeps on snuggling him. Both Mark and Mia let out a big laugh.

“Stop cuddling me and no I don’t miss you. Go away Jacks.”

Jackson’s hyena laugh fills up the whole room. He let go of Mark and give him a big whack on his back. Mark screams in pain. Jackson laughs again.

“Here, today’s lecture notes. I made a copy for you.” Like always…

Mark reaches for the notes in Jackson’s hand and looks at him and a sincere smile forms on his face. “Thank you, Jacks.” I’m truly grateful, like really…

He grins and pats Mark’s head softly. “No biggie, bro.”

-----

Jackson and Mia decided to stay the night at Mark’s place. They watched all kinds of movie they can find in Mark’s dvds collection and ordered two large pepperoni pizzas (‘cause one box isn’t enough for them especially Jackson) along with cokes. They talked for hours and ended up sleeping on the carpet in front of the TV.

Around 3 am, Mark woke up (thanks to Jackson’s loud snoring). He’s been sleeping with his back leaning onto the couch, no wonder his back ached so much. Mark stretches himself a bit and shifts himself slowly in order to not wake Mia up who was sleeping on his lap.

The moon glowed dimly that night, a cream disc suspended in the velvet sky. A sliver of moonlight spills into the room and starts to dance in the dark. Mark stares down at Mia. The innocence showed on her sleeping face, the peaceful and serene dreams blocking out the dangers of the outside. The soft breathing of her makes the world seems to stand still. Mark froze in time.

He runs his finger through her silky brunette colored hair. He observes how the shimmering moonlight illuminates her face and how shadows are casted underneath her long eyelashes. Mark continues to stare in awe. She’s so beautiful and never fails to make Mark fall for her.

God, I’m in love with her.

All of a sudden, Mia moves a bit and blinks her eyes few times that are still hung with sleepiness. She caught Mark’s deeply staring at her and she quickly straightens up her body.

“Hey, what’s wrong? You’re okay?” Mia holds Mark’s hand and starts to check on him if there is anything wrong. Her expression clearly reveals the worriedness she feels. Mark chuckles a bit and smile.

“No, no I’m alright. Everything’s okay.”

Mia scrunches her eyebrows together. “Sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

She smiles in relief. Thank God…

She puts her head back onto Mark’s lap. They both stare at each and were star-struck at how their eyes glisten when the light reflects on it in the dark-- such a breathtaking view. Mark instantaneously sparks a big smile on his face and leans towards her. He whispers a soft ‘I love you’ and it made her cheeks start to flush with various shades of pink. No matter how many times he utters those three magic words, it never fails to make her heart flutters.

“I love you, too.”

The smile on their face began to gleam along with the moonlight. Mark leans down again and drops a small kiss on her forehead. “Sleep.”

Again, her cheeks flush and her smile widens.

“You too. Goodnight” Mia slowly shuts her eyes and began to doze off. Mark gave her one last kiss before letting himself to sleep.

I wish that this moment won’t go away and time would forever stand still. Your head on my lap, our fingers intertwined and smiles that never fade from our faces — just like this. Perfect.

Afire Love - Winter 2014/15

Winter 2014/15

“Let’s break up.”

She just stared at the guy, who was right in front of her in disbelief.  She blinks her eyes few times; bit her lower lips, trying to comprehend the three words that the guy spurts out just now without any hesitation. The guy slowly turns away his gaze from her, watching the white pure snow slowly falling from the sky. If only the snow can ease down the nervousness that was crawling down his spines from the start. He slowly let out a sigh.

He’s doing this for a reason.

“What?” There were thousands of words and questions she wants to say and ask but only that typical ‘what’ came out from her mouth. Mia’s lips slowly started to tremble as she was trying hard to keep those precious tears of her from falling.

“You heard me. Let’s break up.” Mark repeats but this time, those words sounds a lot more cold and cruel. Mia can’t hold it any longer. Tiny drops of crystal clear tears run down her cheek along with the snow that kept on falling non-stop from sky.

“I don’t understand. Why are you…? What did I do?”

“You don’t have to understand. It’s better this way. Stop asking me why, stop seeing me and…”

His throat tastes like mixture of acid juices and sand. It’s painful and he needs to end this quickly. Mark held up his head for once, and looks Mia straight into her swelling and red eyes. He felt a pang in his tiny heart the moment his saw those dim lit eyes which once twinkled brightly as if all the stars that exist in this world were in there. God…

“… Forget everything about us.” With that, he hurriedly turns his back and walk away from her.

Mia just stood there frozen, watching Mark slowly fading away from her view. She doesn’t have the slightest idea why all of this happened.

It doesn’t make any senses.

-----

She laid her back to the seat while staring out of the window, watching the snowfall that slowly quilting the whole city with its pure whiteness. Everything at the outside seems so magical and looks like a scene from the fairytale but Mia doesn’t feel excited at all.

Out of all the seasons that exist in this world, she likes the winter most. But somehow, the magic of winter this year doesn’t really reach her. Maybe, just maybe, this year she’s already out of luck. No more enchanting December for her.

Mia turn her head towards the door as the doorbell rang, indicating that someone has entered the café. She smiles in relief as she sees the long awaited person walks towards her with a big grin on his face. Jinyoung swiftly places himself on the empty seat in front of her.

“I am so sorry. I was about to come here after I got your text but suddenly my professor asked me to stay back for a while regarding the new research we need to do and…”

She chuckles a bit and quickly cut off Jinyoung’s words. “It’s okay, Jinyoung. Chill.”

Jinyoung sparks an apologetic smile. He is truly sorry.

After ordering a cup of hot coffee, he stares at the girl in front of her. Jinyoung raises his eyebrow. Mia kept on looking out of the window. Her gaze is uncertain. She seems like she didn’t have enough sleeps for a few days and it’s quite strange seeing her in this condition. He can really tell that something is definitely bothering his best friend.

“Mia…”

Mia slowly turns her head from the window to Jinyoung who is wearing a warm smile on his face. Heavy sighs finally escape from her mouth but the tightness she felt in her chest still didn’t go away.

“You know that you can always tell me whatever problems you’re facing, right?” He smiles again.

She nods her head and kept on staring the table. She tries to calm herself down but she knows she can’t. Her tears are on the edge of falling as she utters out a single word with her shaky voice.

“Mark…”

The moment he heard that, Jinyoung’s warm smile disappears and he frowns his face a bit. He can already predict what Mia going to say next and he definitely didn’t like what has been circulating in his thought.

“He told me to break up with him.”

His prediction was right.

Jinyoung sighs and lean his back while running his fingers through his hair. Cloud of frustration slowly floats above him. God, Mark… Does he really need to go this far?

Mia stares at Jinyoung as his expression started to tense up. Series of question began to flood her mind and she is ready to shoot all of them to Jinyoung. He surely knew something about this.

“Jinyoung, I know you knew something. I can tell it from your face. Please tell me what is actually happening. Telling me lies in order to cover up Mark’s mistake won’t really solve anything. I need to know the truth.” She bit her lower lips but the trembling still won’t go away. Jinyoung soften his gaze and stares at Mia. How can he tell the truth when he knew that it will crush the girl’s heart? He didn’t want to add the pain to a girl who was already broken.

“Please, tell me…” She really needs to know the truth or at least some explanations. She can handle it if all of this happened because of her mistakes but really, she can’t recall doing any of it. Further enlightenment regarding this whole thing would definitely help her to settle this matter with Mark.

He sighs. “He’s doing this for a reason, Mia and for the sake of both of you.” No, not really…

“And I need to know those reasons. He left me hanging, Jinyoung. If he really wants to break up with me, he should at least explain to me why.” Yes, why…

He didn’t know what to say. Half of him wants to spill the truth but other half of him kept on saying no. You already promised to Mark you won’t say a single word to Mia, Jinyoung. He wanted her to know nothing about the reasons behind all of this.

Mia keeps on shooting him with all sorts of questions. It was suffocating, to held things in when you really want to scream it out loud. Jinyoung positively didn’t like being in a difficult situation like this. Well, who does?

Why does Mia choose to talk to him about this out of all people? Oh wait; he is her and Mark’s best friend which is why. He closes his eyes and suddenly spurts out the word he wasn’t supposed to say. Mia stops talking and stares deeply at him. Her face obviously expresses the state of being in shock.

Good job, Jinyoung.

“He’s… what?” Tiny drop of tears continues to fall.

There’s no use to hide anymore. Yes, she deserves to know the truth.

“Mark is sick.” I’m sorry, Mark. I couldn’t keep my promise.

“What kind of sick?” Please tell me it was only a slight fever, nothing serious and Mark is actually pulling a prank on me about the breakup thingy.

“Lung cancer.”

That 2 words answer from Jinyoung is already enough for Mia to feel like the whole world is collapsing on her right now. No, no this is all lie.  She needs to see Mark, she needs to hear it from Mark himself then she’ll believe it. Mia hurriedly rises from her seat and walks towards the front door of the café.

“Where are you going?” Jinyoung pulls and stops her in track. Mia faces him with tears still running down her cheeks and sobs that slowly coming out from her mouth.

“I need to see Mark.” I really do…

“Mia, look… I think it’s better for you to…”

“To what? Accept everything that’s happening now with open heart and leave him alone just like he asked me to do? No, Jinyoung I won’t. I won’t stand still even just a minute. He’s my boyfriend and he needs me regardless of how he’s actually shoving me away right now but really I know, he needs me as much as I need him. So please, don’t forbid me from seeing him. I’ll tell him not to be angry with you for exposing this most top secret between you guys. I promise.”

Jinyoung let go of Mia’s wrist and sighs in despair. He tries to spark a small smile. “Okay. If anything happens, just call me alright? I promise I’ll be there faster than the speed of light.”

Mia let out a small almost inaudible giggle despite of the river of tears on her face. She wipes the tears away and smiles to Jinyoung.

“I know you will. Thank you, Jinyoung.”

-----

She stares at the door while holding out her shaking hands towards the knob. She pauses for a while and started to rethink her decision of coming here, to Mark’s apartment. Well, she needs to solve this for good and backing away is not really the best solution. Brace yourself, girl…

She knocks the door a few times and waited it to be open patiently. After a complete 30 seconds of silence, she finally hears shuffling sound of footsteps walking towards the door. The door opens widely and there stood a familiar face, the love of her life that she hasn’t seen in a few days. Mark’s face quickly turns to grey as soon as he saw Mia standing in front of his doorstep. He saw those swelling eyes of hers. She looked quite messed up but still able to pull a pretty smile across her face that he had fallen with years ago.

She let out a small ‘hi’ while staring at Mark’s face. She maintains her smiley face but really, the moment she saw Mark, her heart began to shatter into tiny pieces and turns into ashes. Her feelings right now are indescribable. He looks pale and dark circles formed underneath his beautiful pair of eyes. She suddenly notices that he looks skinnier than ever and his face certainly shows off the fatigue he’s having. Again, her tears fall.

God, he really wants to hug Mia tightly, shed away those tears that he had cause it to fall and whispers to her that everything is okay and forget about what he had said but he just stood there, watching the clear streams that runs across her face. He felt a heavy throbbing in his head and the senses of nausea started to rise. Please, not here… not now…

“What do you want?”

Mia looks up, meeting her gaze with Mark. She tries to chew hard those cold four words that came out from Mark’s mouth. Pull yourself together, Mia. This matter has to be settle once and for all.

“I think, we need to talk, Mark. I know there’s something wrong and you didn’t actually meant what you’ve said to me. So, let’s talk about this and…”

“I mean it, Mia. Really mean it. There’s no use of talking about it and I’m not regretting it even the slightest bit. I’m not taking back what I’ve said” Liar…

“But, Mark…”

“GO AWAY, MIA! I DON’T NEED YOU ANYMORE! GOD, IS IT REALLY HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!” He didn’t even know why he’s screaming right now. All he knows that he wants to get back inside, hide under the blanket for hundred years and rot himself to die. His chest started to feel pain and before he could control his breathing, he let out a loud cough. Mark covers his mouth and he can sense a thick, metallic taste liquid began to flow inside his mouth. Few drops of blood drip from the gap of his fingers and make obvious red stains onto his white shirt.

“Oh God, Mark…” Mia hurriedly grabs Mark’s wrist to help him wipe away those blood but Mark coldly shove her away. Mia stares at him in disbelief. This stupid disease certainly took away the Mark she knew. Anger and frustration began to pile up inside of her.

“JUST LET ME HELP YOU! DON’T BE SUCH A STUBBORN BRAT, MARK TUAN. I ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING!” Mia bit her lower lips and clenches a fist. She cried again, but this time, it is the tears of anger and total despair.

“THEN YOU DEFINITELY KNOW THAT I’M ON MY EDGE OF DYING! THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT YOU CAN HELP OR DO! SO JUST BACK OFF AND LET ME DIE ALONE!” Mark started to cry too. His vision becomes blurry and his lips quiver terribly. His own words kill him in the inside.

“I’m dying… I’m dying…” With that, his knees started to wobble and Mark falls to his feet. Mia quickly pulls him into her embrace and hugs him tightly, as if trying to put together all the broken pieces of him back into its place. She rubs her palm on Mark’s back and soothes him. Mark sobs horribly in her arms and Mia kept on crying without having any plan to stop.

They were absolutely in mess. They were a mess.

“I’m dying, Mia. Definitely dying… I just want you to have a happy life and I know I can’t give that to you. Being with me can only hurt you and I don’t want to, Mia. I don’t want to hurt you…” Mix of sobs and blood continuously escape from his mouth. Mia hushes him down and gently pats his head. Mark circles his arms around her waist and their hugs tighten.

“No, you’re not dying. I’m not going to let it happen.” Never…

“I’m scared…”

Mia bit her lower lips. I’m scared too, Mark. God, please help us…

“It’s okay. I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Don’t leave me, please…”

“No, I won’t. I’ll help you. We can get through this.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Afire Love - Author's Words Part I

Assalamualaikum & hi! :)

Finally, after a year... I'm back with new story! Yeayyyyy 
(ceh acah-acah ada org kesah ahahahahaha)

Pharmacy school is definitely hectic & i certainly have to curi some time utk tulis this crappy story. Well, i certainly didn't feel like studying this weekend (despite of having 3 quizzes next week -- pathophysio, pharmaco, inorg chem HAA AMEK KAUUU) so why not aku bazirkan sedikit masa serta mencurahkan idea, kan? Ahahahahaha

This is my first time writing a fanfic and tbh, susah mak aih.
Ye laa, kat sini tkde belajar literature and language bagai so practically nk tulis essay in english tu quite hard for me (eh tapi bussiness comm ada haa okay tak sama kbye)

So, kindly excuses my grammar and ayat yang tunggang-langgang tu. Aku dari zaman sekolah lg mmg tak suka belajar grammar, that's why tak pernah excel part tu ahahahahahaha.

This fanfic is truly inspired by Mr. Masro's lectures on Neoplasia (cancer), like really.
I kinda like that topic, that's why idea nk buat fanfic ni mcm membuak-buak sikit.
Haaaa gituuuuuuu.
Aku amek Got7 as the characters in my story (forever Got7!) and of course Mark as the main (eventho he has to die at the end but it's okay, no one suites the character better than him huhuhu)

Mcm dah bnyk aku bebel kan, so aku stop kat sini je laa.
Enjoy reading and please drop any comments regarding the story.
It will help me a lot :)

Thank you for spending your time here.
Till we meet again :)

xoxo.