Afire Love - Author's Words Part II

Hey guys i'm back again!

Finally, i've finished my not so short story yeayyyyyy

Seriously, aku rasa bangga yang teramat sgt sbb aku berjaya siapkan story ni fully in english! Weh ni first time kot. 
Walaupun banyak ayat tunggang langgang and grammar berterabur,
but seriously aku bangga.
Kira ni highest achievement aku laa dlm bidang penulisan ni 
k tetiba rasa macam nak muntah ahahahahaha

Well literally i've been pouring all my heart out into this story and i think it went pretty well (for me laa hope korang2 yg baca pun rasa benda yg sama huhuhuhu)
Moga pd masa akan datang akan ada lg laa fanfic cenggini
itupun kalau aku masih mampu ahahahaha

So yeah, kpd mereka yg membaca moga terhibur and sory sgt2 utk segala kesalahan grammar atau salahguna kosa kata
Ye laa aku budak farmasi, not a linguist ahahahaha

& yes do pray for me for my exams 
bongok tak bongok aku siapkan fanfic ni padahal esok midsem woiiiii

Huhuhu k laa nak sambung study
First paper besok inorganic chem
matilaanakkkkk

Chow luh
Sampai ketemu lagiiiii!

xoxo

Afire Love - Spring 2016

Spring 2016

She stops right in front of the door and stares at it blankly. Heavy sighs escaped her mouth and she carefully put the keys to the apartment into the lock and turns the knob to open the door. Her whole body is shaking and her knees started to wobble. She tries hard to get a good grip of herself and recollect all the strength that is still left in her. She then walks in.

Mia looks around the room and every single thing in it makes her feel like crying. His furniture, his soft blue curtains, his TV and play station, his collection of skateboards—they are still perfectly in their place, just like the way they were left few months back. The lingering air inside the apartment also, still smells like him. She feels like having a breakdown any minute from now.

A picture hung onto the wall caught her attention. Mia walks and halted right in front of it. A picture with both of them in it-- they were smiling, brightly to be precise. It was their first picture together back in the high school days. Mark looks healthy and she looks deeply in love. They were so young, too good for this cruel world. Everything was fine back then, perfectly fine.

She can’t hold her tears anymore.

Mia moves to Mark’s room and there again, she examines the whole room. She drops herself onto his bed and took a hoodie that was left sprawled on the bed into her hand. It was Mark’s most favorite hoodie—the one that she gave to him on his 20^th birthday. She chuckles a bit with tears still pooling her eyes as she remembers how happy he was when he first received the gift. She snuggles the hoodie for about 30 seconds and felt a slight pang to her heart. Yes, it still smells like Mark…

God, I miss him…

It’s been a week since Mark’s gone, a week since she felt nothing but pain. Yes, he died, on the last day of winter. She still remembers every tiny detail that happened on that day. Mark’s lungs suddenly failed to function, his liver swelled—the doctors said—thus also, dysfunction. He kept on gasping for air and he coughs blood, lots of them. In his last moment of his life, Mark gently grabbed her hands and says those three magic words right before the death angel took his soul away. Despite of the worst thing that happened, he looked calm on his deathbed and keep on smiling, still assuring everyone that he’ll be okay. He always says everything’s okay when he knew it is not. He knew it better than anyone else.

“Mia?”

Mia lifts her head and Jackson’s figure came into her view. She quickly wipes away the tears and looks at Jackson as he walks into the room, straight towards her.

“I didn’t know you were coming.” Jackson casually lands himself next to her.

“Jinyoung told me that you guys are coming here, to clean up this place so he kinda ask me for a hand. But he said he’s gonna be late so… here I am, alone.” She chuckles but damn doesn’t it sound so fake?

“Yes, he did…”

Jackson’s eyes were on her. He stares at those red swelling eyes and red nose. He looks at the way Mia was staring blankly at the entire room. He saw Mark’s hoodie on her lap. He saw sadness in her eyes-- he saw how she was unable to express her feelings and how she missed him.

It is undoubtedly hard for her to forget him. Same goes to him. All three of them had known each other since middle school and they have been best friends since then. If Mia has loss her lover, Jackson has certainly loss his twin brother.

He also misses him, like really misses him. Life without Mark certainly feels wrong to him.

“So, how have you been doing these days?” Jackson asks, just to keep up the good mood and chase away all the gloominess that started to haunt them.

“Good, I guess… how about you?”

Jackson smiles a bit. “Me? Oh, hm…Kinda busy with all the projects and stuffs, you know.”

Mia nods slowly and both of them went back into silence again.

Jackson breathes out and turns himself to face Mia. He took a couple of minute, trying to gather some strength and carefully opens his mouth.

“Look… I have something for you…” Jackson pulls out an envelope from inside of his jacket and held it out to Mia. Mia stares at him in confusion yet she still took it from him.

“I’ve been keeping that in this jacket for quite some times. I didn’t have the chance to give it to you before this. But luckily you showed up today so yeah for you.”

She still stares at him, waiting him to continue with his words. She has a feeling that she knew who gave this but still, she wants Jackson to tell her. Deep down inside, she hopes that it was him but some part of her are denying.

“It’s from Mark…”

And she was right.

(flashback)

Jackson entered the dim lit room and swiftly took place next to his best friend. Mark suddenly opened his eyes and looked at Jackson while smiling weakly. Jackson stares back at him in disbelief. That surely surprised him.

“I thought you were sleeping.”

“I was but then I heard the door opened and footsteps in this room. You do know how sensitive I am with sound, right?”

Jackson scratched the back of his head with guilt that began to rise in him. “I’m sorry.”

Mark laughs. “Don’t be. So, why are you here? I mean, aren’t you supposed at home right now?”

“Oh, I guess, you could really use a good company for the night. You do know that I can’t bear seeing you being left alone, right?” Again, Mark laughs. This is why Jackson is his best friend.

“So, how are feeling right now? Do feel any pain or stress?” Jackson shot him a concerned look.

“Wow, you sounds just like Jinyoung when he came to check up on me. Guess his doctor’s side finally rubbed on you.”

“Dude, I’m serious.” He glared at his best friend and it cracked Mark up.

“Okay, I’m truly sorry. I’m fine. Never felt okay like this before.”

Jackson knew, Mark’s lying but he also knew he was being positive. And he too, has to be positive—just like Mark.

“You should quickly come back to class, you know. Mr. Hong is driving me crazy. He kept on shooting me questions which he knew I was too genius to answer it back. I can’t survive his class without you. Please come backkkkk~” Jackson pulled Mark’s right arm and whined.

“I will, Jackson. Just wait for little while, okay? In the meantime, please don’t do anything stupid during his class or else he will haunt you with all the demerit points. You certainly can’t graduate if your student’s points are way below sea level.”

“I won’t graduate without you. We promised that we will be on stage and receive those stupid scrolls that we’ve literally been working our butts off just to get it, together.”

Jackson’s sincere words touched him. He wanted to pull him into a hug but he knew he certainly can’t. He didn’t want to smear Jackson or his clothes with blood or any disgusting liquid that kept on oozing from his skin. He himself has no idea why it happened.  

“Jackson, can you do me a favor?”

“And what is that my dear friend?”

Mark smiles. He held his hand and pulled the drawer. He took out a white envelope and gave it to Jackson.

“It’s for Mia. Can you give it to her, please?”

Jackson stared down at the envelope and took it from Mark. His chest started to feel a bit tight. Why does it felt so wrong?

“Is this a will or something?” Jackson said jokingly. His throat felt sandy and it definitely made him feel super uncomfortable.

“Kinda.” Mark chuckled and continued, “give to her when I’m… gone. Okay?”

“No.” Jackson protested. Clouds of anger and frustration began to float above him. “You’re not going anywhere. You promised her.”

“Jacks… We all know the truth. I’m dying. She knows. Everyone knows, including you. Maybe not today or tomorrow… or the day after tomorrow but sooner or later, I will die. You can’t deny that. So please, do this for me… And…” Mark pulled Jackson’s hand and put a white gold ring onto his palm. Both of Jackson’s eyes widen and his heart began to shatter into pieces.

“I was going to propose her…” Tiny drop of tears fell slowly from the corner of his eyes but still he tried to smile. Jackson also, cried.

“Take this. Give it to her whenever you’re ready. There’s no one else in this world that can care for her more than you, Jacks. She deserves someone, who can always be there whenever she needs him. She deserves someone who loves her with all his heart. She deserves someone that can bring herself up whenever she feels down—and that is you, Jackson. I’m sorry dude, I’m such a jerk… I should have noticed your feelings long time ago.  I know, you love her and I know…”

“Gosh dude, what are you talking about?! Are you filming some kind of a drama here? God… Stop talking craps!” Jackson stood up and looked at Mark with mixed feelings. He was mad, frustrated, in despair, sorrow, miserable, useless—all in one. Mark just stared at him while biting his lower lips. Everything that he said was true. Jackson loved Mia. His heart ached as he ranted all those words out of his mouth but yes, he knew.

“Jackson, you can’t fool me and I am definitely not talking craps.”

Jackson tried to control his anger and sat back down. He let out a heavy sighs and stared down at the ring that was still in his grip. He looked back at Mark who was smiling at him with tears still pooling his eyes. He saw Mark’s pale face. He looked tired and that certainly made him feel totally helpless. He just stared at him without uttering a single word. He was lost for words.

“This is my last request, Jacks. Please, do this… for me…”

“He told me to give this to you and also…” Jackson carefully pulls Mia’s hand towards him and places the ring that Mark gave to him. Jackson smiles softly and watches how her expression turns from grey to a puzzled one.

Sorry, Mark… I can’t keep my promise, not this one. Maybe someday, I will but not this time around. Things are still in mess and don’t wanna make it worst.

Mia just stares at Jackson blankly. She doesn’t know what to say and how to react. The letter was already enough to suffocate her and now this… the ring…

“He loves you… Forever and always, Mia…” Jackson holds her hand and again gives her the sweetest smile that he could offers. Without thinking twice, Mia quickly hugs Jackson and cries her heart out on Jackson’s broad shoulder. Jackson hushes her and gently pats her back.

It is true-- he loved her, ever since their middle school days. She is his first love but it’s quite useless, trying to catch someone’s attention that was already deeply in love with someone else. If he loved her long time ago, same goes with her—she also had loved Mark ever since and coincidently Mark have the same feeling too. Jackson knew he couldn’t stand a chance so he just shrugged it off, trying to forget all the feelings he felt. Besides, Mark is his best friend and he certainly won’t betray him. But unfortunately, his feelings towards Mia were still, inside his heart—until now.

“Thank you, Jackson… Thank you…” She speaks in between of her sobs. She pulls Jackson closer and their hugs tighten. She could really use a shoulder to lean on right now and Jackson’s seems to be a perfect one for her. Jackson smiles weakly and keeps on patting her back.

You’re welcome, Mia. I’m here whenever you need me, always…

-----

4^th January 2016, 0336 am

Dear Mia,

This is my first time writing you a letter and yeah it feels awkward hahaha. There are lots of things I wanna say to you but you know, I’m not that good with words hm… so okay, here it goes.

Remember when we first met?

It was the first day of our first year in middle school. You were organizing your things in your locker when suddenly all of your books unexpectedly slide down and drop dead on the floor. Coincidently I was there, walking through the hallway with Jackson. I still remember your frustrated face and how you stared at the book annoyingly. First time meeting you, I already saw your ugly face hahaha (ugly in a beautiful way). Something urged me back then and I suddenly became your knight in shining armor, helping you picking up the books an arranging them back. You said thank you while smiling shyly and that was when I was totally star struck. Damn, I can’t forget your smile.

As if it was already fated, we were in the same class along with Jackson. The three of us instantly became best friends and that marked one of the most precious moments in my life.

So yeah, when I get to know you more, little by little I started falling in love with you. I love the way you talk and how your eyes shine when you describe your favorite songs. I love the way you enjoy your favorite food because you said yourself—food is happiness.  I love how you become so mature when it comes to discuss some serious matters and how you’re like a happy child whenever we goofed around and do silly stuffs. Oh, sometimes, you’re quite sarcastic (maybe it is the effect of too much hanging around with Jinyoung and Jaebum) but it’s okay, I still love you no matter how annoyingly sarcastic you are. Most importantly, I love how your whole existence had brought so much light and colors into my life.

You completed me.

I’m deeply sorry for being such a trouble for you. Sorry for not being a good boyfriend. Sorry, I’m unable to protect you. I know how hard it is for you to face all this, to worry about me all the time. I’m sorry for not telling you about this earlier but really I don’t wanna hurt you. I know, I’ve wronged you in so many ways. Please forgive me. Forgive me for being such an idiot unreliable pathetic boyfriend. But deep inside my heart, I just want you to be happy, that’s all…

We promised that we would always be there for each other but… I’m sorry… I can’t keep my own words… I’m deadly sorry….

But please remember this one thing, even if we are no longer together, even if death set us apart, my love for you is immortal. I swore I’ll love you not only until I die, but I will love you forever—forever and always.

Lastly, thank you for bringing out the best in me. Thank you for every single thing that you’ve done to me in my entire life. You saw something in me that anyone else doesn’t and I am thankful for that. Thank you, for being the best part of my life. Thank you, Mia. Thank you…

With all my heart,

Mark.

Mia folds the letter and put it back into its envelope. She lies flat on her bed and stares blankly at the white ceiling right above her. Tears are still falling, her hands are still trembling but somehow she felt relieved. She was able to read and keep his last few words and that was more than she could ever want.  

Yes, Mark’s no longer here but he will forever live in her heart.

She will forever be in love with the most quiet guy in school. She will forever be head over heels for the boy who is so into skateboarding and collecting hoodies. She will forever remember his charming eyes and addicting smile. She will forever remember him—her knight in shining armor, her pizza delivery guy, her late night driver, her mp3 player, her Disney prince, her dad’s favorite sport buddy, her mom’s grocery shopping companion. She will forever remember him—her Mark Tuan.

She will love him, forever and always.

FIN

Afire Love - Winter 2015/16

Winter 2015/16

“Good morning, handsome!”

Mark lifts his head from his reading as soon as he hears Mia enters the room and greets him with her cheerful voice. Mia placed a plastic bag full of fruits onto the coffee table. They both smiled at each other.

“Good morning too, gorgeous… You’re quite early today. What’s up?”

“Nothing… I just kinda… miss you. That’s all…”

Mark blushes and let out a small giggle then gently pats Mia’s head. I miss you, too…

Mia looks around and finally caught something unusual to her. She stares at Mark deeply. “You’re reading a novel? Like seriously, Mark? I only left you for one day. What have gotten into you? Who are you? Where’s my Mark?” She quickly cups Mark’s soft cheeks and continues to stare. Mark cracks up.

“Don’t look at me like that. It’s Jinyoung’s. He gave it to me last night during his shift. He’s doing his housemanship now. He said the story was good. I was bored to death so I kinda give it a go. I got nothing else to do anyway.” Mark smiles. Mia nods her head slowly but she still looks at him in disbelief. Mark Tuan reading a book is very a rare sight, really. Much weirder when the book he’s reading is a love based story.

Guess I should tell Jinyoung to stop spreading his virus to Mark…

“Why are the curtains closed?” Mia stands up and moves towards the window pane.

“Oh… I don’t know… One of the nurses had it closed, I guess. It’s been two days actually and no one seems to bother to open it up.”

“Two days? No wonder everything in this room looks gloomy and all. How can you even live in a day without seeing the sunlight?” Mia holds the curtains and pulls it to the end of the window pane. The room becomes brighter and instantly came into life.

“Now, that’s better.” Mia smiles and turns her back to face Mark. She saw Mark keep on staring without even blinking his eyes. Mia raises her arms and waves at Mark several times.

“Mark… Are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

“Mia… it’s…”

“It’s?”

“It’s snowing! Snow! Snowfall! Outside! Oh my god, is it winter already?! Why haven’t I noticed it? God…” Chains of words and sentences came out from Mark’s mouth faster than the bullet train. Mia laughs and walks towards Mark. She places herself in front of him.

“Okay, calm down. Control your breathing. Yes, it’s already winter and this is the first snow.”

“First… snow?” Mark widens his beautiful pair of eyes and looks at Mia. Mia holds his two hands, nods her head and sparks a smile. A wide grin suddenly spreads across Mark’s face. Mia looks into Mark’s eyes and she can clearly see eagerness inside it. Their hand grip tightens.

“Wanna do something crazy?” His eyes twinkle.

Her throat suddenly felt dry. I don’t like the sound of that…

Mia bit her lower lips. “On the scale of one to ten… how crazy is… that?”

-----

Mia stares at Mark who was already lost in his own world, playing with the snow. She grits her teeth and looks around the roof top. Mark shouldn’t be here. They shouldn’t be here. This is absolutely crazy. If any of the doctors or nurses caught them being up here, they will definitely be dead meats.

“Mark, I think we should go. We’re not supposed to be here. The doctors certainly will kill us if they find out you’re not in you room right now. Besides, it’s freezing cold.” Mia shouts from the end of the roof top. Mark, on the other end just laughs his heart out.

“Aww, don’t be a scaredy-cat. We’ll be fine.” He smiles and continues to play with the snow. Mia bit her lower lips and rushes towards Mark. She stands in front of him with her arms crossed. This boy…

“Don’t make that face, please… Come here, let me cheer you up.” With that, Mark quickly pulls Mia towards him and both of them fall onto the floor that was already covered with piles of pure white snow. They both stare at the open sky right above them and laugh.

“This is crazy, Mark Tuan.  We’re a now lying under the bright sky, with snow pouring from it and you’re not even wearing proper clothes for the weather. Seriously, you’ll catch a cold.”

“Just stop with the nagging and enjoy this beautiful scenery, shall we?”

Mia stares hard at Mark and slaps his shoulder hard.  “I hate you.”

Again, he just laughs it off.

They fell into silence; a comfortable one and kept on staring at the snow that falls beautifully from the sky. The view was spectacularly breathtaking and both of them sink deeply into their own world. Mia looks at Mark who’s still mesmerized with the snowfall. A tiny smile sparks on her face. Its freezing cold right now and she can sense her body slowly becomes numb but with Mark at her side, everything just feels so right.

“You remember, that one day at school, when we skipped Mr. Grey’s chemistry class and went up to the school roof top?” Mark suddenly broke the silence and turns his gaze towards Mia. She quickly nods her head and smiles.

“Of course… That’s when you confessed to me that you like me. You asked me to skip class with you, confessed and right after that, we were punished to do charity work at school for a week by Mr. Grey. All thanks to you.” Mia smirks and both of them laugh.

“Stop bringing up about the confession thingy. That’s not what I’m trying to point out. It’s embarrassing, you know.”

“Your embarrassment is my happiness.” She pinches his nose hard, causing Mark to shout in pain. Mia laughs. She then quickly stand up and runs away from Mark. Mark rises too. He scoops a handful of snow, balls it up and throws at Mia. Mia screams at the top of her lungs the moment the icy cold snowball hit her right arm. She does the same to Mark and the rest is history.

The fight was quite intense and they played with all their heart. They were certainly like a couple of kids trying to enjoy the wonderful winter at their fullest. Mark keeps on running, shouting and laughing as if this is his last day on Earth. He definitely wants to satisfy himself and grab all the chances that he still has. He wants to cherish this winter. He wants to leave this world without leaving any regrets behind.

After a few minutes, Mark suddenly stops throwing and kneels down onto the floor. “Mia… Wait… I need a minute…”

Mia hurriedly walks towards Mark and stops right in front of him.

“What’s wrong?” She shot a concern look at him.

“I’m… I’m cold… Freezing… cold…” Mark clenches his teeth. Mia quickly took him by the hand, breathe out some air and rub it profusely. She scrunches her eyebrows as she looks at him.

“See, I’ve told you. We shouldn’t be here. Your hands are deadly frozen and your skin… Look, you’re way paler than those hospital bed sheets.”

Mark coughs hard for a few times and tiny drops of blood started to drip out from his mouth. Mia stares at him. Her lips quiver terribly.

That definitely scares the shit out of her.

“Okay, we should stop playing right now and leave. You need to rest.” She bit her lips hard and tries to control her breathing. She was already on the edge of crying.

“Thank you… for giving me the chance to… enjoy the… snow…” He coughs again and this time, more blood comes out. He’s suddenly out of breath. He tries to stand up but his knees were already weak and it made him flops back onto the floor.

“Save your speeches, Mark Tuan. We need to leave, now…” She pulls his left arm, slings it onto her neck and helps him to stand up. Both of them walk slowly towards the door.

Mia grits her teeth and quietly took a peek at Mark. His face was still pale as if all the blood had drain off from his body. His eyelids were half closed and his breathing… it sounds heavy.

If anything bad happens to him, I’m so gonna blame myself for bringing him up here.

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t bring you here…” Her tears began to fall. She felt a sense of tightness in her chest. Her vision slowly becomes blurry. She can’t help herself from crying. Everything seems so wrong.

Mark smiles weakly. “Don’t be…”

“Sorry…” That’s the only word that escaped in between of her sobs.

“Don’t cry… There’s nothing to be sad… or regret… or to be worried about… I’m gonna be alright…”

She knows that those words are only meant to make her feel good. She knows, Mark’s lying—to her and to himself. She knows, there no guarantee things will be back to normal but still, she tries to shove away all the bad thinking and hoped that Mark will hold onto his words.

“Pro…mise?”

“Promise.”

-----

It’s Christmas Eve.

The room’s atmosphere somehow felt different than usual and he knows, it’s definitely because of the presence of the important ones that lit up the entire room. His friends and Mia are here, to celebrate Christmas with him.

At the corner of the room, Jinyoung and Jackson are bickering about who deserves to put the star on top of the Christmas tree. They have been arguing for about 20 minutes. Jaebum silently slides through them and properly put the star at its place. Both Jackson and Jinyoung were dumbfounded with Jaebum’s action and all the bickering and arguing instantly stop. Mark laughs.

Jaebum really know how to shut them down.

As for the maknaes, they were busy hanging all the decorations on the wall. Mark can clearly hear Bambam giving instruction to Yugyeom and Youngjae.

“Pull the string to the left. Oh wait no. Pull it to your right side. Okay… Err, why does it looks like it doesn’t belong there. Hmm, how about we hang those… there!” Bambam points to another side of the wall.

“Yah! This is the third time we change places. Can’t we just stick to this? Seriously, you can’t be an interior designer, Bam. You’re the worst.” Yugyeom burst out. Youngjae just shakes his head, drop himself on the sofa and sips a glass of coke while watching YugBam endless fight about the decorations.

Mia who went out earlier enters the room with a big box in her hands and carefully places it on the coffee table. She then walks towards Mark and sit herself besides him on the hospital bed.

“What’s with the fuss?” Mia looks at Mark.

He smiles. “Nothing. Just the usual YugBam fight.”

Mia nods softly. She then reaches something in her winter coat and pulls it out. She hand it over to Mark and smiles. He stares at Mia with an innocence look plastered on his face.

“Here, a gift for you.” A cheeky little smile hangs onto her lips while displaying a maroon colored beanie to him. She quickly removes the grey old beanie Mark was currently wearing and replaces it with the new one.

“I want to get you a red colored one but the store that I went only have this shade of red which for me, was way too red and definitely not a pretty one. So yeah, maroon it is. Sorry. I know you like red but as I said, that red was…”

“Mia…” Mark quickly cut off her words. He cups her face and stares into her beautiful eyes and giggles a bit. “It’s okay. Maroon is okay and I like it so don’t worry. Besides, maroon is also one of the numerous shades of red, so it’s okay. Thank you.”

His sincere words warm her heart and it certainly widens her smile. Their gazes met and time suddenly feels like stop ticking for a while. His wonderful smile certainly makes her feels like floating on cloud nine. God, I’m in love all over again.

“Only for Mark? Where’s mine?” Jackson’s loud voice and sudden question crashes down all the fantasies that started to build up in Mia’s mind. She glares at him spontaneously. Ugh, I was having a moment just now… Do you mind, Jackson Wang?

“You’ve been naughty this year so no Christmas present for you.” Mia said coldly while sticking her tongue out at Jackson. Jackson pouts and the whole room burst into laughs.

Each of them began taking places around the coffee table. Their eyes glisten as Mia laid all kinds of food on top of the table. No doubt they were feeling hungry because of all the decorating works plus the endless bickering and laughing. They sat quietly and pray (in their hearts) before digging in.

“Whoa noona, I never thought that you can cook. This is absolutely out of the world! So delicious, I could dieeeeeeeee~” Bambam clenches his heart, closes his eyes and ‘collapses’ onto Yugyeom. Yugyeom then quickly shove him away.

Mia laughs. “You’re being dramatic Bambam, like always.”

The others nod their heads in unison as a sign of agreeing with Bambam’s words. Mia smiles shyly but at the same time, she feels very satisfied deep down inside. She’s having a hard time preparing all the meals and was a having a high level of insecurity; whether they’ll like her cooking or not and their pleased faces answer it all. Who on Earth doesn’t feel euphoric when someone complimented their cooking?

After dinner, all eight of them were still circling the table-- chatting, sharing stories and doing some throwbacks, about what had happened throughout this year. They talked about Jinyoung’s bittersweet experiences of doing housemanship. They talked about Bambam’s embarrassing incident during senior’s prom night and how Yugyeom just laughed it off instead of helping his best friend during that night. They talked about how Jaebum’s finally reunited with his dear cat, Nora. They talked about Youngjae’s performance at one of the grand musical events and how outstanding it was. They talked about Jackson being dumped by three girls in a year and how funny it is because… he’s Jackson. How the hell he got dumped? He’s the hottest guy in college for God sake.

“Look, I’ve said so many times. It’s not me who was being dumped. I was the one who dumped them. Okay? Besides, i don't feel like dating anyone right now so no big deal and FYI I’m Jackson. I can get whoever I want.”

All of them went ‘eyyy’ and Yugyeom spontaneously hit Jackson’s chest.

“Shut up, hyung. All of your magic and swag have been worn out.” With that, the room was filled with laughter again. Jackson also, laughs and doesn’t take heart with what Yugyeom said.

Mark looks at each of every bright faces right in front of him. Miraculously, his lungs are behaving well tonight, no nausea attack and he doesn’t feel any pain at all. The only thing that he feels right now is happiness, pure happiness. Mark smiles and his eyes twinkles as all of them starts singing some Christmas songs, just to keep the holiday spirit alive.

It’s them who made him his heart contented. It’s them who made him realized there’s nothing in this world that can beat the magic of true friendship. They made him feel belonged, they are his home.

He silently prays to God to repay all of his friends’ kindness and give them all the happiness that exists in this world and protect them from any harm as they truly deserve it.

They are his miracles, not only in December… but since forever…

-----

He woke up in the middle of the night with his head throbbing hard. He blinks his eyes in the dark few times and gently places his hand to his forehead. To his surprise, his head was neatly wrapped with bandages. He began to think hard, his thought is running around, trying to recall back what exactly happened during the day.

He then remembered, he was going to the toilet this morning when suddenly his head started to spin around and began to have nausea attack (as always). His eyes saw numerous colors for a few seconds and then it when pitch black right after that. He concludes that he collapsed and banged his head against the wall which is why the bandages are perfectly fit to his head.

He sighs. I shouldn’t get hurt, not even a slightest cut on my skin… This will only make everything worst…

The feeling of frustration and anger suffocate him, making him hard to breathe all the air out from his pair of shitty lungs. He hates it whenever he has to gasp some air and suck it hard into his lungs. It’s certainly one hell of a pain.

God, just take my breath away, there’s no need to make me suffer like this…

After his breathing is finally back to stable state, something familiar caught his sight. Mark tries focusing his vision in the dark room and after a half minute, his vision together with his brain finally comprehends what he had saw just now.

He saw Mia, sleeping soundly, on the couch near the window, in his room.

One of the doctors or the nurses has certainly called her right after he collapsed and hurt himself this morning. She must have been here all day long. Mark carefully get up from his bed and walks towards Mia as quiet as possible. He stops right in front of her and squats down. Mark stares down at Mia and examines her face.

She seems tired and all the worries she had were undoubtedly shown on her face yet, she still look beautiful, just like the first time he saw her—back in their middle school days. Mark reaches out his fingers and slightly brushes a few strands of hair that covers her forehead and slips it behind her ear. His fingers then moves down to her soft cheeks and caress it, carefully not to wake her up. A sudden feeling of sadness seeps into his heart. He let out a soft sighs and continues to stare at Mia.

She doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve to stay up all night just to keep her eyes on him and fall asleep on the couch. She doesn’t deserve to have hospital as her second home. She doesn’t deserve to love a guy who was practically going to die soon. She doesn’t deserve to be worried and fretful 24/7. She doesn’t deserve all of this.

I don’t deserve her. She’s too good for me and I can’t do anything to repay her.

He gently covers Mia with a blanket right before heading back to his own bed. His sight falls onto the calendar-- on tomorrow’s date to be specific-- that was placed on the side table of the bed. Again, he sighs. He opens the drawer and pulls out a notebook with a pen from it.

Better starts doing a backup plan, in case things weren’t going well tomorrow…

With that, he places himself properly on the bed. Mark looks at Mia one last time and began to rant his heart out.

-----

They were all standing outside Mark’s room with the sense of nervousness that never seems to leave. They have been waiting outside for about half an hour and every minute that passed by feels like forever. of course, they had waited about 3 hours for the operation to ends plus one hour for the transferring procedure, bringing Mark from the OT back to his room. Mia at last slumps herself onto a bench as her knees began to feel weak. Jinyoung who was standing beside Jaebum swiftly move himself and sit next to Mia. He reaches for her shoulders and gently strokes her, just to ease her nervousness away. Jackson and the maknae line send each other a glance and back into deep silence. Jaebum who was standing next to the door with his back leaning to the wall, peeks a little into the room. He let out a heavy sigh and runs his fingers through his hair.

The doctor… they have been in there for almost an hour. What took them so long?

Exactly after those words run through Jaebum’s mind, the door opens widely. All of them quickly move towards it and hovers around the doctor. Dr. Kim looks at every each of the face that stood right in front of him and sighs. Mia bits her lips hard and was already on the edge of crying. Please, no bad news... I beg…

“Mark… He’s…” He pauses for a while. This is the hardest part in which every doctor in this world would agree. It’s not easy to tell them what is exactly happening and what the consequences are. But this is what they say, truth bites and lies hurt. Dr. Kim calmly breathes out and tries to give them a warm smile.

“To tell you the truth, the operation… doesn’t turn to be the way we want. We have removed a large portion of his lungs, where the infected area was but unfortunately, the cancerous cells… has spread to other organs in his body and were infected as well. I’m sorry…”

She stares at the doctor with mixed feelings and tears began to stream down her face. At some point, she feels like dragging the doctor away, beat him up, shred him into pieces and ask him what the hell he was doing. He said that he would save Mark but now…? Sorry? That’s all he could say?

But all of that were just in her mind and the only thing that escapes from the mouth was an almost inaudible ‘thank you’. Dr. Kim nods his head and told them that they can see Mark but do not disturb him as he need to rest, a lot, before leaving them. All of them just nod, thanked the doctor and enters the room.

Mia places herself on a seat right besides Mark. She held out her trembling hand and carefully slips it into Mark’s. There, all of them stood quietly, observing and watching Mark—watching his chest rise up and down in a slow pace, watching his pale face with tiny tube of oxygen supply being inserted into his nasal cavity.

After quite sometimes, Mark started to move his body-- though weakly, and opens his eyes just in time to see all of his friends were circling him. They didn’t utter a single word but Mark knows, from the way their eyes glisten, he can see shades of panic and sadness in them. He knows, deep down inside they were all worried about him.

“I’m alright… Everything’s alright… I’m o…kay…” Mark smiles weakly.

The moment Mark finishes his words, tears began to flood her face again. This time around, Mia cries her heart out. She can’t keep it anymore. She has to let it go for once. Mark hushes her. He raises one of his fingers and softly shed away the tears that smeared her pretty face and mouthed the word ‘don’t cry’. Mia stares at him and he also, did the same way. Their gazes met. Their hand grips tighten.

“Promise me… you’ll be okay. You’ll stay…” she says, in between of her sobs. Jackson, who was standing behind Mia, grabs her shoulders and gently caresses her arm. Mark looks at Mia and Jackson, back and forth and smiles again.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here… Don’t you worry…”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Afire Love - Autumn 2015

Autumn 2015

She rushes through the busy hallways of the hospital and ignores all the people around her. She arrives at the third floor of the hospital and walks past few rooms hurriedly before stopping right in front of a room numbered 304. Her heart was beating fast as she held out her shaky hand towards the knob. She pushes the door slowly and caught the sight of Mark, lying on the hospital bed with wires all over his body. His face looks pale, almost the same color like the hospital wall.

Mia flops helplessly onto the floor.

Jaebum who was sitting next to Mark quickly stand up and helps Mia back onto her feet. He walks Mia into the room and let her sit down onto the empty seat next to him. She quickly grip Mark’s hand and tears began to stream down her face.

“What… happened…?” Mia looks at Jaebum, waiting for his response. Jaebum let out a sigh.

“Jackson and I… We went to his apartment, to check on him… When we found him on the floor, unconscious… with pills scattered across the room and blood… dripping from his mouth and nose.” Jaebum closes his eyes, trying to chase away the horrible scene he had witnessed few hours ago.

“Oh God… Mark…”

“The doctor said that… he needs to stay here.”

“For how long?”

“I… don’t know. His condition is worsen, Mia.”

Mia slumps her face onto the mattress, next to Mark’s arm as those words of Jaebum went through her ears. She grips Mark’s hand tightly and cries in despair.  Her heart aches as she looks up and saw Mark’s pale face.

My beautiful Mark… What have he done to deserve all this? Why out of all people… Why him?

Her sobbings grow louder.

“Mia, calm down… He’s… he’s going to be alright.” Jaebum bit his lower lips as he tries to comfort her. Few minutes ago, he had said that Mark’s condition began to worsen and now he’s saying that he’s going to be alright. He doesn’t even know what he’s talking about.  Well, a white lie can be really useful at times like this—even though he knows that it doesn’t make any sense and will only lead to a bigger piece of mess. But someone needs to calm this girl down.

Mia raises her head up, glances at Jaebum for a few seconds and stares at Mark, deeply.

Yeah. He’s going to be alright. My Mark’s going to be alright… He will…

-----

She stares at the can of coke in her hand and slowly let out a sigh. She gradually lifts up her head and began to look around the hospital mini park. She’s alone at that time. Well, the weather was quite windy that day. Of course, no one wants to stay out in the open space. But she’s still there, didn’t budge even a bit and the wind definitely brings chills all the way through her spines and bones. Yet she’s still there.

She could really use some fresh air and also some time alone now, just to relax her mind a bit. That was what Jaebum told her 30 minutes ago and she does agree with it.

“Hi pretty. You’re alone?”

Mia quickly held up her head as a response to the sudden greeting. Jackson’s face came into view. He grins widely at her. Mia breathes out in relief. Jackson casually lands himself onto the bench next to Mia.

“What’s with the flirty tone?” Mia raises one of her eyebrow. Jackson laughs.

“Yah, I’ve always flirt with you. Didn’t I?”

Mia smiles a little. “Sorry, Jacks. I’m not in the mood.”

Jackson smirks and leans his back to the bench. He looks up to the blue sky. “Yeah, I know. Sorry.”

“So… How’s Mark?” Jackson takes a quick glance at Mia. She sighs, unintentionally.

“He’s fine, I guess. But he’s still unconscious.”

Jackson nods slowly.

“Thank you, for bringing Mark here.” She smiles warmly at Jackson, as a sign of gratitude. Jackson chuckles a bit.

“You’re most welcome, Mia. That’s the least we can do.”

Then, the silence took over the situation. Jackson peeks over to take a look at Mia. His heart breaks a little when he saw her swelling eyes and her red nose. She’s definitely crying all the time. Her cheeks slowly flushes into various shades of pink the moment the cool breeze of autumn blew past them. Jackson stares in awe.

She’s the most beautiful mess he had ever seen.

“Our life is… quite like a drama, right?” Mia suddenly broke the silence. Jackson raises his eyebrow. He patiently waits for Mia to continue her words.

“I never thought that, this kind of thing would happen in my life, our life. Until now, I can’t fully accept the fact that Mark’s suffering from this hideous disease. It feels like nightmares, you know. He’s a good kid. Why does he have to go through this? What have he done wrong? Why?” Her whole body starts to shake and tears fall from her eyes. Jackson instinctively took her into his embrace and calmly tries to soothe her. 

“I don’t want him to die.” Mia quietly says in between of her sobs. Her lips quiver terribly. Jackson quickly caught up what she was saying and gently strokes her arm. 

“None of us want that to happen, Mia.” Jackson bit his lower lips.

Yes, he definitely doesn’t want his best friend to die.

“I’m really a bad girlfriend, aren’t I? I can’t even help him. All I can do was look at him, lying hopelessly on that hospital bed. I’m such a jerk.”

“No, you’re not, okay? Please, don’t be like this, Mia. We have to be strong-- for Mark’s sake. Don’t blame yourself. All of this happened beyond our control. You can help him by praying that everything’s going to be okay. Just pray, and leave the rest to Him.” I hate to see you like this, Mia and I’m sure, Mark will hate it too.

Mia sniffles and wipes away her tears. She chuckles a bit though bitterly but still, made Jackson smiles.

“Be strong, girl. Okay?” He holds her hands tightly.

“I’ll try. Thank you, Jacks.”

“Hey, what friends are for?”

-----

She pushes the door quietly and slowly makes way into the room. She looks around before taking a seat beside Mark’s bed. Jaebum’s gone. Well, she’s the one who told him to go home and come back again tomorrow. He and Jackson have been very helpful by bringing Mark to the hospital. In return, she offers herself to accompany Mark tonight. Jaebum just agreed with it.

Mia silently grabs Mark’s hand and gently strokes it. Mark’s hand felt icy cold against her warm hand. Mia sighs. She drops her forehead down onto the mattress and tries to sleep but she knows she can’t.

There are lots of things going through her mind right now and she definitely can’t fall asleep in such a restless condition.

She quickly raises her head when she heard shuffling sound on the bed. Mark slowly opens his eyes and blinks a few times, trying to adjust his sight in the dim light. His looked at his hand that was stabbed with needles connecting to the IV drip and was confused with the whole situation but when he saw Mia, he suddenly felt relieved and slowly sparks a little smile.

“Hey…” He pats Mia’s head gently. She still stares at him in surprise.

“How long have I been unconscious?”

“For like, 12 hours… I thought that… you would never wake up again…”

Mark chuckles weakly and brushes his index finger against Mia’s soft cheeks. “Silly girl… Of course I’ll wake up. It’s not my time to die, yet. See, I’m alright. You’ll still be able to see this beautiful face of mine so, no worries.” He smiles. Mia bit her lower lips and suddenly burst into tears. Mark’s eyes widen as her sobbing grows louder. 

“Come here…” Mark quickly rise himself from the bed and took Mia into his embrace. Mia buries her face into Mark’s neck and cries her heart out. Mark hushes and gently soothes her back.

“Why are you crying…?”

“I… I…” Her words were stuck between her throats. She kept on crying until her heart finally feels at ease. The tight hug broke and Mark softly wipes away her tears.

“Yah, you’re the one who should be comforting me. I’m the one who is sick here, not you.” He looks at her and smiles teasingly. Mia pouts and gave Mark a slap on his shoulder. He let out a weak, slow laugh and again, took her into his arm.

“I was worried sick… You have no idea how fretful I was when I first received the call from Jaebum. You nearly got me a heart attack. Please, don’t do this again to me…”

“I know. I’m sorry…”

They are still in each other’s arms, but this time, the hug last longer. Mia circles her arm around Mark’s waist and their hugs tighten. Mark’s smile still didn’t fade away and he kept on caressing Mia’s soft hair. His body condition is still weak and of course, he’s feeling exhausted as hell. The agony he feels every time he tries to breathe the air out of his lungs was no joke but with Mia by his sides, he constantly forgets about all the pain he’s suffering from.

“You remember that one song, the one that we always play in the car every time we went out for a night drive? The one that instantly becomes our favorite when we heard it for the first time?” Mark suddenly asks, randomly. Mia looks up at him and scrunches her eyebrows.

“And… which one is that? You do know we have tons of songs in the playlist, right?”

“I know but this one is the iconic one; Afire Love by Ed Sheeran.”

A tiny smile spread across her face the moment Mark mentioned it. She slowly nods her head. “Afire Love… Yes, that song.  What about it?”

“What about it? Hmm, it’s nothing actually. It just… it kinda suddenly pops up into my mind.”

“You and your random talk, Mark Tuan…”

But it’s okay, that’s literally your charm and I have nothing against it…

“Darlin'… hold me in your arms… the way you did… last night… and we'll die inside for… a little while here oh…”

Once again, Mia lifts her head and looks at Mark who was already staring at her. Their gaze met and she started to feel butterfly in her stomach. It’s been a while since she last felt this kind of feeling.

Mark continues to sing with Mia safe in his arm. His throats taste like mixture of phlegm and acid juices but that doesn’t stop him from singing. “I could look into your eyes… until the sun… comes up… and we're wrapped in light… and life and love…”

“Mark dear, sorry for interrupting your lovely serenade but I think, you should stop. You’re out of breath.” She shots a concern look to Mark as he coughs hardly for a few times. Mark just laughs it off.

“Yeah, I know but Mia… holds still.”

She was about to ask him why when suddenly Mark lean towards her and carefully plants a soft kiss onto her lips. It feels like a jolt of electricity running through her skin as their lips touched and their fingers intertwined. It only lasted for a split second but it definitely feels like forever. The kiss broke and they now are facing each other.

“What… Why…” She’s lost for words.

“I’m just taking chances because who knows, that would be our last…” His eyes glisten in the dark and Mia can actually see the pain he’s hiding through it. He’s going through one hell of an agony right now and still, he managed to smile. He keeps on saying he’s okay when actually he’s not.

Tears started to stream down her face again.

“No, Mark. This won’t be the last. I will never, ever… let that happened.” With that, she moves one inch closer to him so their lips could touch, again. This time, the kiss last longer. It taste like mixture of tears, peppermint and also blood, but still it feels good.

“I hope we can stay like this, forever…”

“And, we will…”

Put your open lips on mine

And slowly let them shut

For they're designed to be together oh

With your body next to mine

Our hearts will beat as one

And we set alight

We're afire love