Afire Love - Winter 2014/15

Winter 2014/15

“Let’s break up.”

She just stared at the guy, who was right in front of her in disbelief.  She blinks her eyes few times; bit her lower lips, trying to comprehend the three words that the guy spurts out just now without any hesitation. The guy slowly turns away his gaze from her, watching the white pure snow slowly falling from the sky. If only the snow can ease down the nervousness that was crawling down his spines from the start. He slowly let out a sigh.

He’s doing this for a reason.

“What?” There were thousands of words and questions she wants to say and ask but only that typical ‘what’ came out from her mouth. Mia’s lips slowly started to tremble as she was trying hard to keep those precious tears of her from falling.

“You heard me. Let’s break up.” Mark repeats but this time, those words sounds a lot more cold and cruel. Mia can’t hold it any longer. Tiny drops of crystal clear tears run down her cheek along with the snow that kept on falling non-stop from sky.

“I don’t understand. Why are you…? What did I do?”

“You don’t have to understand. It’s better this way. Stop asking me why, stop seeing me and…”

His throat tastes like mixture of acid juices and sand. It’s painful and he needs to end this quickly. Mark held up his head for once, and looks Mia straight into her swelling and red eyes. He felt a pang in his tiny heart the moment his saw those dim lit eyes which once twinkled brightly as if all the stars that exist in this world were in there. God…

“… Forget everything about us.” With that, he hurriedly turns his back and walk away from her.

Mia just stood there frozen, watching Mark slowly fading away from her view. She doesn’t have the slightest idea why all of this happened.

It doesn’t make any senses.

-----

She laid her back to the seat while staring out of the window, watching the snowfall that slowly quilting the whole city with its pure whiteness. Everything at the outside seems so magical and looks like a scene from the fairytale but Mia doesn’t feel excited at all.

Out of all the seasons that exist in this world, she likes the winter most. But somehow, the magic of winter this year doesn’t really reach her. Maybe, just maybe, this year she’s already out of luck. No more enchanting December for her.

Mia turn her head towards the door as the doorbell rang, indicating that someone has entered the café. She smiles in relief as she sees the long awaited person walks towards her with a big grin on his face. Jinyoung swiftly places himself on the empty seat in front of her.

“I am so sorry. I was about to come here after I got your text but suddenly my professor asked me to stay back for a while regarding the new research we need to do and…”

She chuckles a bit and quickly cut off Jinyoung’s words. “It’s okay, Jinyoung. Chill.”

Jinyoung sparks an apologetic smile. He is truly sorry.

After ordering a cup of hot coffee, he stares at the girl in front of her. Jinyoung raises his eyebrow. Mia kept on looking out of the window. Her gaze is uncertain. She seems like she didn’t have enough sleeps for a few days and it’s quite strange seeing her in this condition. He can really tell that something is definitely bothering his best friend.

“Mia…”

Mia slowly turns her head from the window to Jinyoung who is wearing a warm smile on his face. Heavy sighs finally escape from her mouth but the tightness she felt in her chest still didn’t go away.

“You know that you can always tell me whatever problems you’re facing, right?” He smiles again.

She nods her head and kept on staring the table. She tries to calm herself down but she knows she can’t. Her tears are on the edge of falling as she utters out a single word with her shaky voice.

“Mark…”

The moment he heard that, Jinyoung’s warm smile disappears and he frowns his face a bit. He can already predict what Mia going to say next and he definitely didn’t like what has been circulating in his thought.

“He told me to break up with him.”

His prediction was right.

Jinyoung sighs and lean his back while running his fingers through his hair. Cloud of frustration slowly floats above him. God, Mark… Does he really need to go this far?

Mia stares at Jinyoung as his expression started to tense up. Series of question began to flood her mind and she is ready to shoot all of them to Jinyoung. He surely knew something about this.

“Jinyoung, I know you knew something. I can tell it from your face. Please tell me what is actually happening. Telling me lies in order to cover up Mark’s mistake won’t really solve anything. I need to know the truth.” She bit her lower lips but the trembling still won’t go away. Jinyoung soften his gaze and stares at Mia. How can he tell the truth when he knew that it will crush the girl’s heart? He didn’t want to add the pain to a girl who was already broken.

“Please, tell me…” She really needs to know the truth or at least some explanations. She can handle it if all of this happened because of her mistakes but really, she can’t recall doing any of it. Further enlightenment regarding this whole thing would definitely help her to settle this matter with Mark.

He sighs. “He’s doing this for a reason, Mia and for the sake of both of you.” No, not really…

“And I need to know those reasons. He left me hanging, Jinyoung. If he really wants to break up with me, he should at least explain to me why.” Yes, why…

He didn’t know what to say. Half of him wants to spill the truth but other half of him kept on saying no. You already promised to Mark you won’t say a single word to Mia, Jinyoung. He wanted her to know nothing about the reasons behind all of this.

Mia keeps on shooting him with all sorts of questions. It was suffocating, to held things in when you really want to scream it out loud. Jinyoung positively didn’t like being in a difficult situation like this. Well, who does?

Why does Mia choose to talk to him about this out of all people? Oh wait; he is her and Mark’s best friend which is why. He closes his eyes and suddenly spurts out the word he wasn’t supposed to say. Mia stops talking and stares deeply at him. Her face obviously expresses the state of being in shock.

Good job, Jinyoung.

“He’s… what?” Tiny drop of tears continues to fall.

There’s no use to hide anymore. Yes, she deserves to know the truth.

“Mark is sick.” I’m sorry, Mark. I couldn’t keep my promise.

“What kind of sick?” Please tell me it was only a slight fever, nothing serious and Mark is actually pulling a prank on me about the breakup thingy.

“Lung cancer.”

That 2 words answer from Jinyoung is already enough for Mia to feel like the whole world is collapsing on her right now. No, no this is all lie.  She needs to see Mark, she needs to hear it from Mark himself then she’ll believe it. Mia hurriedly rises from her seat and walks towards the front door of the café.

“Where are you going?” Jinyoung pulls and stops her in track. Mia faces him with tears still running down her cheeks and sobs that slowly coming out from her mouth.

“I need to see Mark.” I really do…

“Mia, look… I think it’s better for you to…”

“To what? Accept everything that’s happening now with open heart and leave him alone just like he asked me to do? No, Jinyoung I won’t. I won’t stand still even just a minute. He’s my boyfriend and he needs me regardless of how he’s actually shoving me away right now but really I know, he needs me as much as I need him. So please, don’t forbid me from seeing him. I’ll tell him not to be angry with you for exposing this most top secret between you guys. I promise.”

Jinyoung let go of Mia’s wrist and sighs in despair. He tries to spark a small smile. “Okay. If anything happens, just call me alright? I promise I’ll be there faster than the speed of light.”

Mia let out a small almost inaudible giggle despite of the river of tears on her face. She wipes the tears away and smiles to Jinyoung.

“I know you will. Thank you, Jinyoung.”

-----

She stares at the door while holding out her shaking hands towards the knob. She pauses for a while and started to rethink her decision of coming here, to Mark’s apartment. Well, she needs to solve this for good and backing away is not really the best solution. Brace yourself, girl…

She knocks the door a few times and waited it to be open patiently. After a complete 30 seconds of silence, she finally hears shuffling sound of footsteps walking towards the door. The door opens widely and there stood a familiar face, the love of her life that she hasn’t seen in a few days. Mark’s face quickly turns to grey as soon as he saw Mia standing in front of his doorstep. He saw those swelling eyes of hers. She looked quite messed up but still able to pull a pretty smile across her face that he had fallen with years ago.

She let out a small ‘hi’ while staring at Mark’s face. She maintains her smiley face but really, the moment she saw Mark, her heart began to shatter into tiny pieces and turns into ashes. Her feelings right now are indescribable. He looks pale and dark circles formed underneath his beautiful pair of eyes. She suddenly notices that he looks skinnier than ever and his face certainly shows off the fatigue he’s having. Again, her tears fall.

God, he really wants to hug Mia tightly, shed away those tears that he had cause it to fall and whispers to her that everything is okay and forget about what he had said but he just stood there, watching the clear streams that runs across her face. He felt a heavy throbbing in his head and the senses of nausea started to rise. Please, not here… not now…

“What do you want?”

Mia looks up, meeting her gaze with Mark. She tries to chew hard those cold four words that came out from Mark’s mouth. Pull yourself together, Mia. This matter has to be settle once and for all.

“I think, we need to talk, Mark. I know there’s something wrong and you didn’t actually meant what you’ve said to me. So, let’s talk about this and…”

“I mean it, Mia. Really mean it. There’s no use of talking about it and I’m not regretting it even the slightest bit. I’m not taking back what I’ve said” Liar…

“But, Mark…”

“GO AWAY, MIA! I DON’T NEED YOU ANYMORE! GOD, IS IT REALLY HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!” He didn’t even know why he’s screaming right now. All he knows that he wants to get back inside, hide under the blanket for hundred years and rot himself to die. His chest started to feel pain and before he could control his breathing, he let out a loud cough. Mark covers his mouth and he can sense a thick, metallic taste liquid began to flow inside his mouth. Few drops of blood drip from the gap of his fingers and make obvious red stains onto his white shirt.

“Oh God, Mark…” Mia hurriedly grabs Mark’s wrist to help him wipe away those blood but Mark coldly shove her away. Mia stares at him in disbelief. This stupid disease certainly took away the Mark she knew. Anger and frustration began to pile up inside of her.

“JUST LET ME HELP YOU! DON’T BE SUCH A STUBBORN BRAT, MARK TUAN. I ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING!” Mia bit her lower lips and clenches a fist. She cried again, but this time, it is the tears of anger and total despair.

“THEN YOU DEFINITELY KNOW THAT I’M ON MY EDGE OF DYING! THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT YOU CAN HELP OR DO! SO JUST BACK OFF AND LET ME DIE ALONE!” Mark started to cry too. His vision becomes blurry and his lips quiver terribly. His own words kill him in the inside.

“I’m dying… I’m dying…” With that, his knees started to wobble and Mark falls to his feet. Mia quickly pulls him into her embrace and hugs him tightly, as if trying to put together all the broken pieces of him back into its place. She rubs her palm on Mark’s back and soothes him. Mark sobs horribly in her arms and Mia kept on crying without having any plan to stop.

They were absolutely in mess. They were a mess.

“I’m dying, Mia. Definitely dying… I just want you to have a happy life and I know I can’t give that to you. Being with me can only hurt you and I don’t want to, Mia. I don’t want to hurt you…” Mix of sobs and blood continuously escape from his mouth. Mia hushes him down and gently pats his head. Mark circles his arms around her waist and their hugs tighten.

“No, you’re not dying. I’m not going to let it happen.” Never…

“I’m scared…”

Mia bit her lower lips. I’m scared too, Mark. God, please help us…

“It’s okay. I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Don’t leave me, please…”

“No, I won’t. I’ll help you. We can get through this.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Afire Love - Author's Words Part I

Assalamualaikum & hi! :)

Finally, after a year... I'm back with new story! Yeayyyyy 
(ceh acah-acah ada org kesah ahahahahaha)

Pharmacy school is definitely hectic & i certainly have to curi some time utk tulis this crappy story. Well, i certainly didn't feel like studying this weekend (despite of having 3 quizzes next week -- pathophysio, pharmaco, inorg chem HAA AMEK KAUUU) so why not aku bazirkan sedikit masa serta mencurahkan idea, kan? Ahahahahaha

This is my first time writing a fanfic and tbh, susah mak aih.
Ye laa, kat sini tkde belajar literature and language bagai so practically nk tulis essay in english tu quite hard for me (eh tapi bussiness comm ada haa okay tak sama kbye)

So, kindly excuses my grammar and ayat yang tunggang-langgang tu. Aku dari zaman sekolah lg mmg tak suka belajar grammar, that's why tak pernah excel part tu ahahahahahaha.

This fanfic is truly inspired by Mr. Masro's lectures on Neoplasia (cancer), like really.
I kinda like that topic, that's why idea nk buat fanfic ni mcm membuak-buak sikit.
Haaaa gituuuuuuu.
Aku amek Got7 as the characters in my story (forever Got7!) and of course Mark as the main (eventho he has to die at the end but it's okay, no one suites the character better than him huhuhu)

Mcm dah bnyk aku bebel kan, so aku stop kat sini je laa.
Enjoy reading and please drop any comments regarding the story.
It will help me a lot :)

Thank you for spending your time here.
Till we meet again :)

xoxo. 

Goodbye Summer

Pesanan penaja: 

This story is inspired by Goodbye Summer - f(x) feat. D.O Exo. I was bored and got nothing to do. Assignment pun takdak lg. So aku pun apa lg, mencurahkan segala idea dgn sepenuh hati. Ecehhhhh. Story ni aku siapkan dlm masa satu hari. Whoaaaa pecah rekod aku wehhhhhh! Ahaha. Hmm sorry bnyk2 kalau story ni mcm cikai je. Biasalah. Express. Takde kaitan antara hidup dan mati.Do enjoy (:

“HELLA FELLA.”

Kepala diangkat daripada buku teks World’s History yang setebal 2 inci itu kepada tuan punya suara yang menyapa tadi. Gadis dihadapannya menarik sengih. Sebelah keningnya terangkat.

“What you’re doing?” Sengih masih bergayut dibibir Elly.

“I’m reading a book, obviously.” Dia meneruskan bacaannya tanpa mempedulikan Elly yang dah mula tarik muka.

“Tak perlulah nak bersarkastik macam tu.” Tangan Elly pantas menarik buku teks tersebut. Kay angkat muka sekali lagi. Wajahnya masih tidak beriak seperti tadi.

“Oh since when kau reti guna perkataan sarkastik tu?”

“I learnt it from you, duh.”

“Whatever.” Kay menjuihkan bibir. Dia mula menghulurkan tangan untuk menarik kembali buku yang telah diambil oleh Elly namun Elly cepat-cepat menepis tangannya.

“Elly.” Kay bersuara keras. Dia paling pantang bila ada orang ganggu dia membaca, walaupun orang tu kawan baik dia sendiri. Elly buat-buat tak endah.

“Exam is over, bro. Dah tak perlu dah baca semua ni.”

“Exam dah tamat tak bermaksud aku tak boleh baca buku, right?”

“It’s true but hey, let’s have some fun. Semua orang tengah sibuk buat preparation untuk Summer Festival.  Kau pulak, still duduk tercongok kat kerusi menghadap buku teks ni.”

“Got problem with that?” Kay cuba untuk mengawal air mukanya. Rasa nak tergelak pun ada bila tengok reaksi Elly yang bersungguh apabila bercakap. Comel.

“Jerk.” Elly tarik muka sekali lagi. Ketawa Kay pecah juga akhirnya. Seriously, I can never resist her cuteness. Buku teks yang berada di tangannya diletakkan kembali di atas meja dihadapan Kay. Elly memeluk tubuhnya.

“So…” Ayatnya terhenti apabila Kay mula merenungnya. Elly telan liur. Dia membalas pandangan Kay. Just ask him…

“You’re joining the festival or not?”

“Dunno yet.”

Elly mengerutkan dahinya. “Join lah.”

“I got nothing to lose kalau tak join that festival, kan?” Kay buat muka toya.

“Yes there is.”

“Apakah?”

“This is the last year we’re going to celebrate Summer Festival at this school. After that, we’re going to graduate. Bila dah graduate sure punyalah dah tak dapat sambut sekali. Kau tercampak kat sana, aku tercampak kat sini.”

“Mana-mana tempat pun boleh sambut laa, dey.”

Elly tarik nafas dalam-dalam. Hey mamat ni. Kang sebelum kau tercampak kat mana-mana ceruk dunia ni, aku campak kau dulu ke luar tingkap ni.

“Memanglah. Tapi tak sama.”

“Apa yang tak sama?” Kay mengerutkan dahinya.

Okay, aku dah fed up. “Forget it.” Tak sampai jugak main point aku. Elly bangun dari duduknya. Sometimes, this guy can be such an annoying-heartless-jerk. Saja je buat-buat blur.

Kay mula senyum. Merajuk la tu. Macam la aku tak tau. “Elly-san”, panggilnya. Elly pantas berpaling ke belakang. Masam kelat aje mukanya. Kay dah rasa macam nak gelak guling-guling. “Wanna grab some bubble tea after school?”

Elly memandangnya, lama. “Your treat.”

MATANYA jatuh pada helaian daun yang jatuh ke atas ribanya. Dia mendongak ke atas, mengintai langit yang terbentang luas dari celah-celah daun yang menutupi kepalanya. Buku di tangan ditutup setelah ditanda. Dia meletakkan Stolen ke atas lantai rumput yang menghijau. Summer in Japan is definitely great. Sedar tak sedar, dah lama rupanya dia bermastautin di Negara Matahari Terbit ni. Since he was eight. One whole family datang pindah sini bila ayah dapat offer job untuk bekerja dengan salah sebuah company mega dekat Jepun ni. And now he’s eighteen. 10 years has passed.

How time flies.

Dia ada balik jugak ke Malaysia sekali sekala. But not that frequent. Adalah setahun sekali. Tu pun time raya je. Kalau ayah tak dapat cuti, opah dan tok wan yang datang sini. Sambut aidilfitri dekat Jepun. Habis segala lemang, ketupat rendang opah bawak. Yang instant, yang masak dekat sini. Ahaha. Sambut raya dekat mana-mana pun takpe. As long as you have your family with you. Then that’s enough.

Tiba-tiba ingatannya singgah pada Elly. Gadis Melayu yang tak berapa nak ayu yang juga asal dari Malaysia. But she’s more like a third culture kid. Sejak kecil lagi hidup berpindah randah. Nasiblah jadi anak kepada orang kanan Malaysia punya embassy. Setakat ni, dah nak dekat 4 buah negara kot yang pernah dia diami.

Kay senyum sendiri. Teringat pulak masa diorang first jumpa dulu. Nur Eliana Hanani Bt Johari. Nama tersebut mula meniti dibibir.

“Excuse me.” Bahunya dicuit oleh seseorang. Kay berpaling ke belakang. Pandangannya jatuh kepada seorang gadis kecil yang berada dihadapannya. Sebelah kening terangkat. What the?

“Are you a Japanese?” Tanya gadis itu. Terbuntang luas mata Kay. Tangannya secara automatik menyentuh wajahnya. Apahal minah ni tanya aku macam tu. Muka aku kemain lagi melayu habis boleh dia tanya aku Japanese ke. Dia yang macam ala-ala Chinese-Japanese-Korean adalah. Kay mengerutkan dahinya. Kepala digeleng.

“Can you speak English? Sheesh, what kind of question is that. Of course he can. This is an international school. Everyone speaks in English. Dumb me.”

Dahi Kay berkerut sekali lagi. Kali ni bukan kedut seribu dah. Dah berpuluh-puluh ribu mungkin. Minah ni betul ke tidak? Macam tak betul je aku tengok. Teragak-agak dia hendak membuka mulut.

“You’re asking me or you’re asking yourself?”

“I’m sorry. This is my first day here in school. I came here alone. My parents can’t accompany me cuz they got some business to take care of. I can’t find the school’s office. Do you know where it is?” Laju kemain lagi minah ni cakap. Kay menggaru kepalanya yang tidak gatal. Dia pandang sekelilingnya. Aik mana semua orang pergi? Kosong je hallway ni. Sibuk mencekik ke apa. Tau laa recess sekarang. Dia kembali menala pandangan ke arah itu. Hmm boleh la aku jadi knight in shining armour untuk minah ni. Bila lagi kan? Hoho.

“Follow me.” Katanya. Gadis tersebut mula mengikut rentak langkahnya menuju ke Administration Hall. Dia pandang gadis itu yang berjalan disebelahnya dengan ekor mata. Agak-agak minah ni asal dari mana eh?

“Where do you come from?” Rendah mendatar je suaranya. Kay memalingkan wajahnya tanpa riak. Nampak macam Asian. Hmm, China? Korea? Mongolia? Hehe.

“Malaysia.”

Terhenti langkahnya apabila mendengar sepatah perkataan yang keluar dari mulut gadis itu. Terbuntang luas matanya memandang gadis tersebut. Rahangnya jatuh.

“Kau orang Malaysia?”

Gadis itu turut sama terkejut mendengar kata-katanya. Kemudian, dia mula gelak besar.

“Malaysian?” Senyum dibibir makin mekar. Kay menganggukkan kepalanya. “Thank god!” Si gadis sudah mula melompat keriangan. Kay berkira-kira dalam hati. Gua dah jumpa geng sama negara weh. Should I jump of joy too or what.

“Oh my, I’m sooooo happy right now! I thought I was the only Malaysian here. Thank God I found you!” Mata Si Gadis mula bersinar terang bagai ada bunga api dimainkan di pesta musim panas. Senyum dibibirnya masih tidak lekang. Kay terpempan dengan tiba-tiba. That smile..

“What’s your name?” Si gadis memandangnya. Sekali lagi,  dia terpempan.

“Kh.. Khairul Azmi. Just call me Kay. Kau?” See, tergagap-gagap aku dibuatnya.

“Nur Eliana Hanani. Elly for short.” Senyum lagi.

Kay mengangguk. Nama itu diulang beberapa kali di dalam kepala agar ia terus lekat tak hilang-hilang. Elly…

Kay menggeleng perlahan. Bibir mula mengukir senyuman. Itu cerita 6 tahun lepas. Good ol’memory. Bagai telah ditakdirkan, Elly satu kelas dengannya. Dan bagai telah ditakdirkan jugak, Elly tinggal dalam satu area je dengan dia. Dia dan Elly mula jadi rapat. Ke mana sahaja mesti bersama. Pergi-balik sekolah sama-sama. Lepak sama-sama. Study sama-sama.

Semua benda Elly cerita dekat dia. Bermula dari kisah kanak-kanak riang sampailah kisah hidupnya yang sering berpindah-randah. Semua benda pasal Elly dia tahu. Elly pernah cakap, dia rasa fortunate gila dapat jumpa dia. Dia tak pernah ada bestfriend. Faktor hidup secara nomad membuatkan dia tak sempat nak betul-betul rapat dengan someone. Sekadar jadi kawan biasa je lah. And meeting him was a bless for her. Katanya.

For him, it was a bless too. She’s some kind a gift. Dia tak banyak bercerita. Dia lebih kepada mendengar. Tapi dia tahu, kalau dia tak bukak mulut nak cerita itu ini pun, Elly kenal siapa dirinya. Elly mungkin jenis yang banyak bunyi, sekali dah buka mulut memang payah nak berhenti bercakap dan dia pulak jenis yang prefer mendiamkan diri, berkepit dengan buku je but for him—mungkin sebab-sebab itu kot yang membuatkan diorang rapat. They fit for each other. Melengkapi antara satu sama lain.

But some said that a guy and a girl can never be bestfriends.

Kay telan liur.

Yes it’s true. Dia mengiakan dalam hati. Belakangnya dibawa bersandar pada batang pokok sakura yang tak berbunga itu. Sila dibetulkan. Tipu kalau dia cakap, dia tak pernah rasa apa-apa sepanjang berkawan dengan Elly. She might be all pot-pet-pot-pet and clumsy at times, but that attitude of her warms his heart.

Dia pernah cuba untuk suarakan apa yang dia rasa, tapi… Entahlah. Dia rasa macam tak perlu kot. Sebab dia tahu, Elly just anggap dia sekadar seorang kawan baik sehidup semati. Tak lebih dari itu. And confessing what he feels to her might harm their friendship. Hmm.

Dia tak nak kehilangan persahabatan ni. Tak nak.

Keluhan dilepaskan. Kay dongak ke atas, bagai mencari sesuatu yang dia sendiri tak pasti.

Perasaan itu.. Keep it to yourself. Just be her bestbuds and stay by her side no matter what. That’s more than enough, Kay.

LANGKAH kaki pantas bergerak menuruni anak tangga. Dia berhenti seketika di hadapan ruang makan. Wajah ma dan pa ditatapnya. Senyum.

“Morning!” Sapa Elly. Dia kemudian cepat-cepat bergerak ke arah pintu. Tangan sudah bersedia untuk memulas tombol.

“Have your breakfast first, dear.” Laung ma dari ruang makan.

“It’s okay, ma. I’m late already. Elly gerak dulu ye. Bye!” Laungnya kembali. Dia melangkah keluar. Pintu dikatup rapat. Matanya mula meliar memandang sekelilingnya dan berhenti apabila terjumpa apa yang dicari. Elly bergerak perlahan menuju ke arah Kay yang sedang menunggunya di balik pagar rumah. Bibir menyimpulkan senyum.

“Ohio!” Jeritnya ditepi telinga Kay. Berpaling maut mamat tu. Kay tarik muka.

“Stop doing that, sheesh!”

Elly menjelirkan lidah. “Sue me.”

Kay menjulingkan mata. Minah ni, aku keluarkan aura Incredible Hulk pun dia boleh buat selamba rock je. Memang betullah tak makan saman. Ketawa Elly pecah. Aduh mamat ni. Tolonglah jangan buat muka macam tu. Aku rasa macam nak penyek-penyek je. Comel.

“Dah lama tunggu?” Dia senyum.

“Lagi mau tanya ka?” Kay memeluk tubuh. Elly menggaru kepalanya yang tidak gatal. Ehehe, apa aku nak jawab ni.

“Should I apologise?”

Eh minah ni. Eiiiiii. Sabar Kay, sabar. Tarik nafas, hembus.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Alah, lewat sikit je. 15 minit je pun.” Elly dah buat muka comel. Kay memandangnya. Alahai minah ni, saja je bikin aku cair. Hmm apology accepted.

“Whatever. Jom.” Kay dah mula melangkah ke hadapan. Elly sengih. Hihi dah sejuk hati la tu. Dia cepat-cepat mengikut langkah Kay. Dia pandang Kay yang berada disebelahnya. Raut wajah Kay masih macam tadi. Tak beriak.

“Hmm, Kayyyyyy…”

“What is it?” Ni bila dah seru nama aku sampai 6 harakat mesti ada benda yang dia nak. Kay pandang Elly tiga saat.

“After school. Temankan aku pergi mall.”

“For what?”

“I want to buy a new yukata.”

“Do you really have to buy a new one every year? You only wear it once a year, duh. Pakai je lah yang last year punya. Tak baik membazir.” 

Elly mencebikkan bibirnya. Babble, huh. Dah masuk gear mak nenek dahhhhhh. Dia mula mengunci mulut. Malas nak menjawab.  Kay pandang Elly dengan ekor mata. Aik senyap? Adeh. You really know how to make me feel guilty, Eliana Hanani. “Okay, fine.” Sudahnya, dia jugak yang mengalah. Elly tarik sengih. Yes!

“Yeayyyyy!”

Sengih sampai ke telinga minah ni. Kay menggeleng perlahan. Dia kemudian mengukir senyuman. Elly oh Elly….

“WHICH one looks nice on me?” Elly menunjukkan dua pasang yukata kepada Kay. Kedua-duanya telah dicuba sebentar tadi dan kedua-duanya menarik perhatiannya.

Kay pandang dua yukata tersebut bersilih ganti. Both looks nice on you. Haih buang tebiat aku kalau cakap macam tu. Mau terkejut minah ni. Hmmmmm. Yang mana eh? Aku sendiri pun naik pening. Macam aku pulak yang nak pakai. Haha.

“You think?” Kay menyandarkan tubuh pada dinding sambil memeluk tubuh.

Elly buat muka toya. “If I could make a decision, I won’t ask you to choose for me. Duh.”

Betul jugak apa yang dia cakap. Apa punya respon daaa. Kay berdehem beberapa kali. Errrrr. “This one.” Jari telunjuknya dihalakan ke arah yukata yang berwarna hitam dan bercorak bunga-bunga kecil berwarna merah dan pink. Elly mengangkat yukata tersebut meminta kepastian. Kay menganggukkan kepalanya.

“Kau takde lagi yukata warna tu, kan?”

“Nope.”

“Take it.”

“Okay.” Dia menghulurkan yukata tersebut kepada Kay. Sebelah kening Kay terangkat.

“Pay for me.” Dia senyum. Dia dah tahu apa yang akan dijawab oleh Kay. Saja nak annoy mamat ni. Mata Kay dah macam nak terkeluar laser. Rasa macam nak gelak guling-guling on the spot je.

“Aku tunggu kau dekat luar. Kbye.”

TANGAN mula mencapai kalendar yang terletak cantik di atas meja belajarnya. Lagi tiga hari sebelum Summer Festival. Keluhan dilepaskan. Kalendar diletakkan kembali pada tempat asalnya. Dia merebahkan tubuh ke atas tilam katilnya yang empuk. Mata memandang kosong pada siling putih.

Dia tak nak ajak aku pergi festival tu ke? I mean as his date for this year. Tahun-tahun sebelum ni memang celebrate sekali tapi sebagai kawan je. Elly mula mengiring ke sebelah kanannya. Pandangannya jatuh pada bingkai gambar dia atas side-table. Dia dan Kay. Sekali lagi, dia melepaskan keluhan.

I think he likes me. But when I think again, macam tak je. Am I the only one who’s been having this cheesy feelings? Aku je ke? Ahhhhhhh!

First Love – Utada Hikaru kedengaran dari corong radio. Dia menjulingkan matanya. Great. Kena dengan timing. Kena dengan situasi. Kena dengan jiwa. Handphone disebelahnya dicapai. Dia mula berkira-kira dalam hati. Or should I ask him first? Hmmmmm. Memanglah kau tinggal dekat Jepun sekarang weh tapi tak perlulah nak ikut budaya ‘girl-should-confess-first’ macam gadis-gadis Jepun selalu buat tu. Don’t to that. You’re a Malaysian, girl. Malay to add on it. Jangan jadi macam perigi cari timba. Ecehhhhh, tiba-tiba pulak aku reti peribahasa Melayu. Nice one. Dia meletakkan kembali handphonenya. Matanya dipejam rapat. Just go to sleep, Elly. Sleep.

DIA memandang sepi Inferno yang terbuka luas dihadapannya. Kepala dah tak boleh nak concentrate jalan cerita novel ni. Ayat-ayat yang tersusun rapi dalam setiap perenggan ni sekadar dibaca, tak dihadam betul-betul. Novel tersebut ditutup. Kedua belah tangannya diangkat untuk meraup wajahnya.

Ada dua benda yang sedang berputar ligat dalam kepalanya. And both of them are something that he can’t accept whole-heartedly. Rasa macam nak lari jauh-jauh sambil jerit kuat-kuat. Sungguh, dia tak dapat terima dua benda tu.

One day till Summer Festival.

Kotak memori dah mula memainkan senario yang dilihatnya tengah hari tadi, semasa recess. Dia mengetap bibir. Damn. Keluhan berat dilepaskan. Pandangannya jatuh pada Elly yang sedang rancak berbual dengan Si Tania minah Australian di hadapan kelas. Dia telan liur.

Should I tell her? Yes, I should.

Mata dikatup rapat. Hati, mohon tabah.

“OKAY, dah sampai. See you tomorrow.” Elly senyum kepadanya. Sebelah kaki Elly sudah melangkah masuk ke dalam kawasan rumahnya.

“Wait.” Kay cepat-cepat bersuara. Elly memandangnya. Dia kembali berjalan menghampiri Kay. Apakah? Kenapa tiba-tiba wajah mamat ni pucat lesi semacam. Is there something wrong?

“Why?”

Jantungnya rasa macam nak pecah. Macam mana aku nak bagitau Elly ni. Peluh dingin mula bermanik di dahinya. Just say it, man. You’re not a coward. Rasa macam berpasir je tekak aku ni.  “I’ve something to tell you.”

Elly tergamam. I’ve something to tell you. Sepotong ayat itu diulang beberapa kali dalam kepalanya. Dia cuba untuk hadam betul-betul. Is he going to ask me  to be his date for tomorrow? OMG. OMG. OMG! Dengan tak semena-mena, dia mengukirkan senyuman. Bunga-bunga riang mula mekar dalam taman hati. Yeayyyyy!

“I’m going back to Malaysia.”

Bruhhhhh! Bunga-bunga tadi terasa macam kena simbah dengan minyak tanah kemudian dibakar. Senyuman yang bergayut dibibirnya tadi mula lenyap. Dia terdiam. What the hell is he talking about? He’s joking right? Okay, interpret elok-elok, Elly. “What?” Suara macam nak tak nak keluar je. Dia memandang Kay yang diam membisu seribu bahasa dihadapannya. Please, no. Kelopak mata dah mula rasa panas ni. Bila-bila masa boleh burst.

Aku rasa macam nak kambus hidup-hidup je diri ni. Matanya terpaku pada wajah Elly. No, don’t cry. No. Why do I have to say that. Tapi, lagi kejam kalau aku sembunyikan hal ni dari dia. Truth bites and lies hurt.

Should I repeat it again? “I’m going back to Malaysia.” Wajah Elly diamatinya.

Nak je dia tutup telinga rapat-rapat, lari masuk dalam rumah dan kuncikan diri dalam bilik. Tahan Elly, tahan. Nafas dihembus perlahan. “When?” No, don’t answer it. I don’t wanna hear any single words.

“Tomorrow.” Laju je lidahnya bergerak, menutur sepatah perkataan itu. Dah, berhenti bercakap Kay. Baik kau senyap. Elly dihadapannya mula mematungkan diri. Senyap tak terkutik. Tapi, sepasang mata bundar itu masih tajam memandangnya.

Setelah sekian lama menyepikan diri, dia mula bersuara. Dingin. “It’s not funny, Kay.”

“Serious. No jokes.”

Elly ketap bibir. “Goodbye.” Dia mula melangkah masuk ke dalam tanpa menghiraukan Kay yang masih berdiri tegak diluar. Air mata mula beranak sungai dipipinya. Dia mempercepatkan langkah menuju ke kamarnya.

Dia meraup wajahnya. Keluhan dilepaskan. Gedegang! Telinganya menangkap bunyi pintu bilik yang dihempas kuat. Sungguh, rasa bersalah mula menebal dalam diri. What have I done…

Elly, I’m sorry. So sorry.

AIR MATA masih tidak berhenti mengalir dari tadi. Dibiarkan aje laju menuruni pipinya tanpa diseka. Text message yang diterimanya tadi dibaca sekali lagi. Bibir diketap rapat.

‘Elly, I’m sorry. Aku takde niat pun nak sakitkan hati kau. But this is the truth. No joke. No lie. I really am going back to Malaysia.’

Then, just go! You don’t have to bother to tell me.

‘It hurts me as well to tell you bout this. Tapi, aku lagi tak sanggup untuk tipu kau, tinggalkan kau senyap-senyap. Cuz I know, that will cut you way more deeper than this.’

Hey, it’s okay. My heart has this hurt-resistence warranty. Don’t mind about me!

‘Ayah tiba-tiba dapat notis petang semalam untuk transfer balik kerja di Malaysia. Aku pun terkejut gila bila dapat tahu. Then he said that we all will be going back to Malaysia tomorrow. Aku pun tak faham kenapa drastik sangat semua ni. Everything happens so fast.’

Dia memandang sepi skrin handphonenya. Are you really going to leave me, Kay? Do you?

‘I’m going to miss you, girl.’

Sendu makin kuat kedengaran. Please, don’t say that.

‘Take care. Eat well. Sleep well. Next year bila kau dah berjaya masuk mana-mana universiti, pilih kawan yang baik-baik. Dah takde aku nak membebel itu ini. Dah takde aku nak jadi tutor kau. Study hard, study smart. May your dreams of being a well-known architect come true. Do know that, I care for you a lot. Hmm we can still contact each other, right? The world is at the tip of our finger lohhh. Ahaha. Hmm, jangan lupa aku bila aku dah takde kat sini lagi. Okay?’

Tak perlulah kau nak buat ayat wasiat macam ni. I can never forget you, Kay. Never.

‘Till we meet again, Eliana Hanani. Sayonara~’

Handphone diletakkan ke tepi. Lutut dibawa rapat ke dada lalu dipeluknya. Entah kenapa, rasa kosong dengan tiba-tiba. As if half of me has gone away. Kau jahat, Kay. Siapa nak teman aku pergi festival tu esok?!

Tiba-tiba, pertanyaan Ryu Mizuki; budak kelas sebelah merangkap club-matenya itu terngiang-ngiang di telinga. Pertemuan semasa recess tadi kembali bermain dalam kepala.

“Elly-san.” Ryu mula membuka bicara. Sebelah keningnya terangkat.

“Yes?”

“Watashi wa anata ni kataomoi shite ita.” Terang dan lancar aje Ryu menuturkan ayat tersebut. Terbuntang luas matanya. Heh?

“Argh, what am I doing. Errrr.” Ryu meraup wajahnya. Matanya masih tidak lepas memandang Ryu. Pipinya mula terasa hangat. Ahhhhh, this is the first time a guy confessed to me. Can’t. Breathe. OMG.

“I know, I’ve shocked you to death. But, really. I liked you since the first time we met. During the club meeting. You still remember right?”

Ringan aje kepalanya mengangguk. Betul ke apa yang aku dengar? Aku tak salah hadam, kan? Ryu tersenyum.

“So, will you be my date for tomorrow’s festival?” Ryu buat muka mengharap.

Dia mengetap bibir. “I’ll think about it.”

Lain yang aku harapkan, lain pulak yang jadi. Huh. But it’s better to have a company than being alone, right?

Tangannya mencapai kembali handphone. Jemari cepat-cepat mendail nombor telefon Ryu. Air mata yang masih berbaki dibirai matanya diseka. Dia berdehem beberapa kali, membetulkan kembali suaranya. Dia menanti talian disambungkan dengan penuh sabar.

“Hello. Ryu?”

MATA melirik pada jam yang berada di pergelangan tangannya. Okay, aku terawal 10 minit. Dia pandang keadaan sekeliling. Padang besar Yokohama International School mula sesak dengan para pelajar yang datang untuk menyambut Summer Festival. Bermacam jenis gerai jualan telah didirikan. Summer Festival sentiasa meriah. Boleh dikatakan setiap tahun dia akan join festival ni tapi tak pernah sekalipun dia rasa bosan. Dia suka. Tambah-tambah lagi ada firework show. Lagilah dia excited. Tapi, tahun-tahun sebelum ni ada Kay sebagai peneman. Tahun ni…

Huh.

Kolam mata mula rasa macam nak bergenang kembali. Cepat-cepat dia tarik nafas dalam-dalam. Stop Elly. Cukup-cukuplah membengkakkan mata sendiri. It’s okay. Ada Ryu malam.

Dia dongak ke atas, memandang langit yang berwarna hitam pekat. Dimanakah kau sang bulan? Menyorok di balik awan kah? Dimanakah kau sang bintang? Tiba-tiba menghilang. Keluhan lembut dilepaskan. Tiba-tiba, matanya menangkap pesawat yang sedang terbang melintasinya. Menuju ke mana, dia tidak tahu. Dia terus teringatkan Kay. Mesej yang dihantar oleh Kay tidak dibalasnya. Dia tak tanya pun pukul berapa Kay akan bertolak pulang ke Malaysia. Dia tak tanya apa-apa pun. Dia tak tanya sebab dia takut nak dengar sebarang jawapan daripada Kay. Dia masih tak dapat menerima semua ni. Dia pandang lagi langit di atas.

Is that you on that plane?

What do I say, we didn’t have to play no games

I should’ve took the chances, I should’ve asked for you to stay

And it gets me down the unsaid words that still remain

The story ended without even starting

Dia menundukkan wajahnya. Kaki mula menguis tanah.

There’s still so much to say. To much to be spilled. Huh, nevermind. It’s too late to regret, Elly. Way too late.

Nafas dihembus perlahan.

Have a safe journey, man. Goodluck with your new life. Take care. I love you, Khairul Azmi.

Sang angin, mohon sampaikan kata-kata ini kepadanya. I have no strength to tell him by myself. I just can’t.

Sedang dia enak melayan perasaan, tiba-tiba bahunya dicuit. Dengan pantas dia berpaling ke belakang. Wajah Ryu yang sedang tersenyum memenuhi pandangan. Dia juga sedaya upaya untuk memaniskan raut wajahnya.

“I’m not late, right?” tanya Si Ryu. Elly menggeleng perlahan.

“Let’s go there. The firework show is about to start.” Jari telunjuk Ryu menunjuk ke arah tengah-tengah padang. Ramai yang sudah berpusu-pusu ke sana. Dia senyum.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

DIA hanya mampu memerhati dari balik pokok. Sungguh, dia tak berani untuk mendekati Elly.  Dia tak punya kekuatan itu. Matanya masih tidak lepas memandang gadis beryukata hitam itu. Senyum. You look nice with that yukata, girl.

Dia akan bertolak ke Malaysia tepat jam 11.30 malam ini. Dia minta dengan ayah dan ibu untuk datang ke sini sebelum bertolak ke airport, untuk berjumpa dengan Elly. To bid his last farewell. Tapi malangnya, dia hanya mampu bid dari jauh je. Rasa macam nak hantuk je kepala dekat batang pokok besar ni. You’re such a coward, dude. Big time.

Gadis itu dilihatnya sedang memandang jam tangannya. Dia tahu Elly menanti siapa. Dia tahu siapa yang akan menemani Elly malam ni. Dia tahu siapa yang akan menjadi pengganti dirinya. Dia tahu. He heard everything.

I don’t want this to happen either, Elly. Susah untuk aku tinggalkan kau. But I know, he can take a good care of you. And I know, he really likes you.

Setelah beberapa minit menunggu, Ryu mula memunculkan diri. Dilihatnya lelaki itu bercakap dengan Elly. Sumpah, hati mula dirundung cemburu. Keluhan berat dilepaskan. Matanya masih tepat memandang Elly dan Ryu.

Baby oh no oh oh

I’m sorry that this is the monologue

Oh, actually, I love you, yeah

If only our long-time hidden secrets were revealed

I would hold you in my arms

Matanya terus mengekori Elly dan Ryu sehinggalah mereka hilang dibalik ramainya orang. It’s time for you to go too, Kay. Langkah mula dihayun. Dia berhenti seketika. Dia berpaling ke belakang. Segala kenangannya bersama Elly seolah bermain semula di layar pandangannya. It all came back.

Let it go, Kay. Let her go.

Dia kembali menapak ke hadapan. Air mata yang dari tadi ditahan dibiarkan jatuh menuruni pipinya. Tempat ini menemukan kita. Dan tempat ini juga menjadi saksi perpisahan kita. Goodbye, my dear. Take care.

The friend label is a label that I got to hate

The feelings I’ve hid still remain as a painful secret memory

The photos that can’t define our relationship is a heartbreaking story

I’m sorry, summer, now goodbye, yeah

Dipaksanya juga untuk melupakan semuanya. Dipaksanya juga untuk buang segala memori yang pernah dilalui. Dipaksanya juga untuk abaikan segala rasa.  That’s for the best.

Dia terus melangkah tanpa menoleh sedikit pun ke belakang.

~ FIN ~