Afire Love - Winter 2014/15

Winter 2014/15

“Let’s break up.”

She just stared at the guy, who was right in front of her in disbelief.  She blinks her eyes few times; bit her lower lips, trying to comprehend the three words that the guy spurts out just now without any hesitation. The guy slowly turns away his gaze from her, watching the white pure snow slowly falling from the sky. If only the snow can ease down the nervousness that was crawling down his spines from the start. He slowly let out a sigh.

He’s doing this for a reason.

“What?” There were thousands of words and questions she wants to say and ask but only that typical ‘what’ came out from her mouth. Mia’s lips slowly started to tremble as she was trying hard to keep those precious tears of her from falling.

“You heard me. Let’s break up.” Mark repeats but this time, those words sounds a lot more cold and cruel. Mia can’t hold it any longer. Tiny drops of crystal clear tears run down her cheek along with the snow that kept on falling non-stop from sky.

“I don’t understand. Why are you…? What did I do?”

“You don’t have to understand. It’s better this way. Stop asking me why, stop seeing me and…”

His throat tastes like mixture of acid juices and sand. It’s painful and he needs to end this quickly. Mark held up his head for once, and looks Mia straight into her swelling and red eyes. He felt a pang in his tiny heart the moment his saw those dim lit eyes which once twinkled brightly as if all the stars that exist in this world were in there. God…

“… Forget everything about us.” With that, he hurriedly turns his back and walk away from her.

Mia just stood there frozen, watching Mark slowly fading away from her view. She doesn’t have the slightest idea why all of this happened.

It doesn’t make any senses.

-----

She laid her back to the seat while staring out of the window, watching the snowfall that slowly quilting the whole city with its pure whiteness. Everything at the outside seems so magical and looks like a scene from the fairytale but Mia doesn’t feel excited at all.

Out of all the seasons that exist in this world, she likes the winter most. But somehow, the magic of winter this year doesn’t really reach her. Maybe, just maybe, this year she’s already out of luck. No more enchanting December for her.

Mia turn her head towards the door as the doorbell rang, indicating that someone has entered the café. She smiles in relief as she sees the long awaited person walks towards her with a big grin on his face. Jinyoung swiftly places himself on the empty seat in front of her.

“I am so sorry. I was about to come here after I got your text but suddenly my professor asked me to stay back for a while regarding the new research we need to do and…”

She chuckles a bit and quickly cut off Jinyoung’s words. “It’s okay, Jinyoung. Chill.”

Jinyoung sparks an apologetic smile. He is truly sorry.

After ordering a cup of hot coffee, he stares at the girl in front of her. Jinyoung raises his eyebrow. Mia kept on looking out of the window. Her gaze is uncertain. She seems like she didn’t have enough sleeps for a few days and it’s quite strange seeing her in this condition. He can really tell that something is definitely bothering his best friend.

“Mia…”

Mia slowly turns her head from the window to Jinyoung who is wearing a warm smile on his face. Heavy sighs finally escape from her mouth but the tightness she felt in her chest still didn’t go away.

“You know that you can always tell me whatever problems you’re facing, right?” He smiles again.

She nods her head and kept on staring the table. She tries to calm herself down but she knows she can’t. Her tears are on the edge of falling as she utters out a single word with her shaky voice.

“Mark…”

The moment he heard that, Jinyoung’s warm smile disappears and he frowns his face a bit. He can already predict what Mia going to say next and he definitely didn’t like what has been circulating in his thought.

“He told me to break up with him.”

His prediction was right.

Jinyoung sighs and lean his back while running his fingers through his hair. Cloud of frustration slowly floats above him. God, Mark… Does he really need to go this far?

Mia stares at Jinyoung as his expression started to tense up. Series of question began to flood her mind and she is ready to shoot all of them to Jinyoung. He surely knew something about this.

“Jinyoung, I know you knew something. I can tell it from your face. Please tell me what is actually happening. Telling me lies in order to cover up Mark’s mistake won’t really solve anything. I need to know the truth.” She bit her lower lips but the trembling still won’t go away. Jinyoung soften his gaze and stares at Mia. How can he tell the truth when he knew that it will crush the girl’s heart? He didn’t want to add the pain to a girl who was already broken.

“Please, tell me…” She really needs to know the truth or at least some explanations. She can handle it if all of this happened because of her mistakes but really, she can’t recall doing any of it. Further enlightenment regarding this whole thing would definitely help her to settle this matter with Mark.

He sighs. “He’s doing this for a reason, Mia and for the sake of both of you.” No, not really…

“And I need to know those reasons. He left me hanging, Jinyoung. If he really wants to break up with me, he should at least explain to me why.” Yes, why…

He didn’t know what to say. Half of him wants to spill the truth but other half of him kept on saying no. You already promised to Mark you won’t say a single word to Mia, Jinyoung. He wanted her to know nothing about the reasons behind all of this.

Mia keeps on shooting him with all sorts of questions. It was suffocating, to held things in when you really want to scream it out loud. Jinyoung positively didn’t like being in a difficult situation like this. Well, who does?

Why does Mia choose to talk to him about this out of all people? Oh wait; he is her and Mark’s best friend which is why. He closes his eyes and suddenly spurts out the word he wasn’t supposed to say. Mia stops talking and stares deeply at him. Her face obviously expresses the state of being in shock.

Good job, Jinyoung.

“He’s… what?” Tiny drop of tears continues to fall.

There’s no use to hide anymore. Yes, she deserves to know the truth.

“Mark is sick.” I’m sorry, Mark. I couldn’t keep my promise.

“What kind of sick?” Please tell me it was only a slight fever, nothing serious and Mark is actually pulling a prank on me about the breakup thingy.

“Lung cancer.”

That 2 words answer from Jinyoung is already enough for Mia to feel like the whole world is collapsing on her right now. No, no this is all lie.  She needs to see Mark, she needs to hear it from Mark himself then she’ll believe it. Mia hurriedly rises from her seat and walks towards the front door of the café.

“Where are you going?” Jinyoung pulls and stops her in track. Mia faces him with tears still running down her cheeks and sobs that slowly coming out from her mouth.

“I need to see Mark.” I really do…

“Mia, look… I think it’s better for you to…”

“To what? Accept everything that’s happening now with open heart and leave him alone just like he asked me to do? No, Jinyoung I won’t. I won’t stand still even just a minute. He’s my boyfriend and he needs me regardless of how he’s actually shoving me away right now but really I know, he needs me as much as I need him. So please, don’t forbid me from seeing him. I’ll tell him not to be angry with you for exposing this most top secret between you guys. I promise.”

Jinyoung let go of Mia’s wrist and sighs in despair. He tries to spark a small smile. “Okay. If anything happens, just call me alright? I promise I’ll be there faster than the speed of light.”

Mia let out a small almost inaudible giggle despite of the river of tears on her face. She wipes the tears away and smiles to Jinyoung.

“I know you will. Thank you, Jinyoung.”

-----

She stares at the door while holding out her shaking hands towards the knob. She pauses for a while and started to rethink her decision of coming here, to Mark’s apartment. Well, she needs to solve this for good and backing away is not really the best solution. Brace yourself, girl…

She knocks the door a few times and waited it to be open patiently. After a complete 30 seconds of silence, she finally hears shuffling sound of footsteps walking towards the door. The door opens widely and there stood a familiar face, the love of her life that she hasn’t seen in a few days. Mark’s face quickly turns to grey as soon as he saw Mia standing in front of his doorstep. He saw those swelling eyes of hers. She looked quite messed up but still able to pull a pretty smile across her face that he had fallen with years ago.

She let out a small ‘hi’ while staring at Mark’s face. She maintains her smiley face but really, the moment she saw Mark, her heart began to shatter into tiny pieces and turns into ashes. Her feelings right now are indescribable. He looks pale and dark circles formed underneath his beautiful pair of eyes. She suddenly notices that he looks skinnier than ever and his face certainly shows off the fatigue he’s having. Again, her tears fall.

God, he really wants to hug Mia tightly, shed away those tears that he had cause it to fall and whispers to her that everything is okay and forget about what he had said but he just stood there, watching the clear streams that runs across her face. He felt a heavy throbbing in his head and the senses of nausea started to rise. Please, not here… not now…

“What do you want?”

Mia looks up, meeting her gaze with Mark. She tries to chew hard those cold four words that came out from Mark’s mouth. Pull yourself together, Mia. This matter has to be settle once and for all.

“I think, we need to talk, Mark. I know there’s something wrong and you didn’t actually meant what you’ve said to me. So, let’s talk about this and…”

“I mean it, Mia. Really mean it. There’s no use of talking about it and I’m not regretting it even the slightest bit. I’m not taking back what I’ve said” Liar…

“But, Mark…”

“GO AWAY, MIA! I DON’T NEED YOU ANYMORE! GOD, IS IT REALLY HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!” He didn’t even know why he’s screaming right now. All he knows that he wants to get back inside, hide under the blanket for hundred years and rot himself to die. His chest started to feel pain and before he could control his breathing, he let out a loud cough. Mark covers his mouth and he can sense a thick, metallic taste liquid began to flow inside his mouth. Few drops of blood drip from the gap of his fingers and make obvious red stains onto his white shirt.

“Oh God, Mark…” Mia hurriedly grabs Mark’s wrist to help him wipe away those blood but Mark coldly shove her away. Mia stares at him in disbelief. This stupid disease certainly took away the Mark she knew. Anger and frustration began to pile up inside of her.

“JUST LET ME HELP YOU! DON’T BE SUCH A STUBBORN BRAT, MARK TUAN. I ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING!” Mia bit her lower lips and clenches a fist. She cried again, but this time, it is the tears of anger and total despair.

“THEN YOU DEFINITELY KNOW THAT I’M ON MY EDGE OF DYING! THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT YOU CAN HELP OR DO! SO JUST BACK OFF AND LET ME DIE ALONE!” Mark started to cry too. His vision becomes blurry and his lips quiver terribly. His own words kill him in the inside.

“I’m dying… I’m dying…” With that, his knees started to wobble and Mark falls to his feet. Mia quickly pulls him into her embrace and hugs him tightly, as if trying to put together all the broken pieces of him back into its place. She rubs her palm on Mark’s back and soothes him. Mark sobs horribly in her arms and Mia kept on crying without having any plan to stop.

They were absolutely in mess. They were a mess.

“I’m dying, Mia. Definitely dying… I just want you to have a happy life and I know I can’t give that to you. Being with me can only hurt you and I don’t want to, Mia. I don’t want to hurt you…” Mix of sobs and blood continuously escape from his mouth. Mia hushes him down and gently pats his head. Mark circles his arms around her waist and their hugs tighten.

“No, you’re not dying. I’m not going to let it happen.” Never…

“I’m scared…”

Mia bit her lower lips. I’m scared too, Mark. God, please help us…

“It’s okay. I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Don’t leave me, please…”

“No, I won’t. I’ll help you. We can get through this.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”