Spring 2015
He looks outside the
half-opened window, watching the trees sway as the wind blew past through it.
He senses the freshening smell of morning dew, combined with the fragrance of
the blooming flowers. The mighty sun was shining brightly, radiating its warmth
to all over the city. Small trace of smile spread across his face as he looks
up to the sky that was painted with soft shades of blue. The scenery is
absolutely beautiful.
It was spring, after all.
A flock of birds fly past his
window across the open sky freely, as if they have never been burden with any
problems throughout their lives. Slight feeling of envy seeps into his heart. He
wants to be like those birds, enjoying life without having to think about the
death that’s coming after him.
Everyone will die, sooner or
later. That’s the bitter truth that every soul on this Earth will have to go
through. But he doesn’t want to die. Not now, at least. There are a lot of
things that he wanted to achieve in life and he’s only 23.
He wanted to graduate from
engineering school with flying colors, have a job and become one of the most
successful persons in the world. He
wanted to have his own small but happy family with his better half. But he
certainly can’t reach those things if he has to die early.
A heavy sigh escapes from his
mouth and he lay back, trying to relax himself on the couch. He stares blankly
at the white ceiling right above him. Faces of the people that played an
important role in his life suddenly come in view. He can see clearly all of
their smiles, their laughter, and all the memories that they went through
together — it’s beautiful but also painful at the same time.
He closes his eyes and tiny
drops of crystal clear tears run down his cheeks.
He’s not ready yet to leave
them. He’s not ready yet to leave the boys. He’s not ready yet to leave her.
He’s not ready and will never
be.
-----
The atmosphere at the hospital
was calm and less hectic than usual but the smell of medicines still disturb
him despite of coming here for so many time, thus it doesn’t quite help him in
easing the nervousness he felt deep down inside.
Mark begins to feel all dizzy
and he stops in track. His chest starts to rise up and down because of the
rapid breathing he’s having. Tiny beads of sweats slowly form on his forehead.
He needs to go the bathroom ASAP.
Both Jinyoung and Jaebum who
were in front of Mark stop walking as they sense that Mark isn’t following them
anymore. They turn their back and watches Mark who was already bending his
body, placing both of his palms onto his knees. They absolutely can hear Mark’s
heavy breathing. Both of them hurriedly stand besides Mark.
“I can’t do this anymore…”
Mark flops down to the floor. Jaebum grabs Mark’s right arm and put it around
his neck. Jinyoung does the same for the left arm and they both pull Mark up
and walk him towards the nearest bench. Mark sits down and lean his back. He
closes his eyes shut, trying to chase away the dizziness and nausea that began
to strike him.
“Mark, don’t give up. This
medication will help you. It’s only a matter of time.”
Mark opens his eyes as those
words of Jaebum make way through his ears. He automatically laughs at it in a
sarcastic way. So much for a motivation…
“Really Jaebum, like really?”
Jaebum bit his lower lips and
his slowly clenches a fist. His throat becomes a bit dry and Mark’s ironic
laugh certainly starts to bug him. “I’m serious, dude. Giving up won’t kill
away those nasty cancerous cells that you have no idea, replicates in your body
in a rapid rate day by day! If you think that we’re doing this for fun, then
you are wrong. This is not a joke, Mark Tuan.” Tears started to pool in his
eyes.
Please don’t give up Mark because we’re definitely not giving up on
you, please…
Jinyoung gently pats Jaebum’s
back and tries to back him off from Mark a bit. He looks at Mark and Jaebum,
back and forth. He let out a sigh. These two better not make a scene here.
“Mark, Jaebum is right.
Please, don’t give up. We have come this far. You have to continue doing all
those chemos. It will help you.” Jinyoung swallow his saliva hard. He felt like
his words doesn’t sound quite assuring but it is better to just say anything
than being stone cold.
What else can he say?
Mark suddenly stands up and stares
at both of his best friends. His lips tremble and his whole body is shaking. “Try
placing yourselves in my situation and you’ll know how hard it is to go through
all of this. You guys literally have no idea how it feels to swallow all those
disgusting drugs that sometimes paralyzes yourself and forbid you from doing
anything you want. You guys don’t know how awful it is to have needles being
pricked and stabbed through your skin and vein and you guys seriously have no
idea how sickening is the aftermath of having all those stuff…”
“Going through chemos isn’t as
easy as it sounds and it really, definitely sucks.” Mark bit his lips hard.
“And you are wrong, Jaebum.
This is a joke. No, actually, my whole life is a joke and there is nothing you
can do about it.” With that, tears starts to fall and he weeps in despair.
Jinyoung wraps his arms around him tightly and he too, cries.
Jaebum runs his fingers
through his hair and slumps down onto the bench. He secretly prays that this
whole crappy thing will end soon and that his best friend won’t have to suffer
all of this.
He prays that they can lead
their life just like how it used to be; normally, peacefully without any pain.
-----
He spends most of the time
indoors.
After knowing that he is
currently having this cancer, Mark slowly shuts himself from the outer world.
At the early stages of the disease, he still went to college and attends
classes. But when his lecturers know about it, they told him to just rest at
home and focus on his treatments and medications. They told him to come back
when everything is finally okay and they will certainly accept him with open
arms and hearts.
But the truth is, he will
never be okay. The possibility of having this disease cured is low, he knows.
Everyone know, even the doctors. They kept saying that he’s going to be okay
when really, it is just a lie and it is only a courtesy of the doctors to say
to their patients. He knows he can’t be healed. Unless his fairy god mother
suddenly pop in front of him out of nowhere and used her magic on him to chase
the cancer away.
If only he had one but fairy
god mothers absolutely do not exist so yeah.
After the incidence at the
hospital few days ago, he decided to go back the very next day it happened, to
have his chemotherapy done. He apologized to Jaebum and Jinyoung for being such
a jerk. He knew that his friends meant well but with his condition right now,
he’s easily being influenced by his emotion and heart rather than his brain and
rational thinking. Luckily, his friends understood him enough and kept on
supporting him.
He kept looking out at the
window when he suddenly hears clanking sounds of keys outside of his house. The
front door opens and Jackson and Mia come in view. Both of them walk towards
him and he sparks them a small smile. Jackson slumps himself on the couch
besides Mark and spontaneously hug him.
“Markkkkkkk~ I miss you~ don’t
you miss me?” Jackson keeps on snuggling him. Both Mark and Mia let out a big
laugh.
“Stop cuddling me and no I
don’t miss you. Go away Jacks.”
Jackson’s hyena laugh fills up
the whole room. He let go of Mark and give him a big whack on his back. Mark
screams in pain. Jackson laughs again.
“Here, today’s lecture notes.
I made a copy for you.” Like always…
Mark reaches for the notes in
Jackson’s hand and looks at him and a sincere smile forms on his face. “Thank
you, Jacks.” I’m truly grateful, like
really…
He grins and pats Mark’s head
softly. “No biggie, bro.”
-----
-----
Jackson and Mia decided to
stay the night at Mark’s place. They watched all kinds of movie they can find
in Mark’s dvds collection and ordered two large pepperoni pizzas (‘cause one
box isn’t enough for them especially Jackson) along with cokes. They talked for
hours and ended up sleeping on the carpet in front of the TV.
Around 3 am, Mark woke up (thanks
to Jackson’s loud snoring). He’s been sleeping with his back leaning onto the
couch, no wonder his back ached so much. Mark stretches himself a bit and
shifts himself slowly in order to not wake Mia up who was sleeping on his lap.
The moon glowed dimly that
night, a cream disc suspended in the velvet sky. A sliver of moonlight spills
into the room and starts to dance in the dark. Mark stares down at Mia. The
innocence showed on her sleeping face, the peaceful and serene dreams blocking
out the dangers of the outside. The soft breathing of her makes the world seems
to stand still. Mark froze in time.
He runs his finger through her
silky brunette colored hair. He observes how the shimmering moonlight
illuminates her face and how shadows are casted underneath her long eyelashes.
Mark continues to stare in awe. She’s so beautiful and never fails to make Mark
fall for her.
God, I’m in love with her.
All of a sudden, Mia moves a
bit and blinks her eyes few times that are still hung with sleepiness. She
caught Mark’s deeply staring at her and she quickly straightens up her body.
“Hey, what’s wrong? You’re
okay?” Mia holds Mark’s hand and starts to check on him if there is anything
wrong. Her expression clearly reveals the worriedness she feels. Mark chuckles
a bit and smile.
“No, no I’m alright.
Everything’s okay.”
Mia scrunches her eyebrows
together. “Sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
She smiles in relief. Thank God…
She puts her head back onto
Mark’s lap. They both stare at each and were star-struck at how their eyes
glisten when the light reflects on it in the dark-- such a breathtaking view. Mark
instantaneously sparks a big smile on his face and leans towards her. He
whispers a soft ‘I love you’ and it
made her cheeks start to flush with various shades of pink. No matter how many
times he utters those three magic words, it never fails to make her heart
flutters.
“I love you, too.”
The smile on their face began
to gleam along with the moonlight. Mark leans down again and drops a small kiss
on her forehead. “Sleep.”
Again, her cheeks flush and
her smile widens.
“You too. Goodnight” Mia
slowly shuts her eyes and began to doze off. Mark gave her one last kiss before
letting himself to sleep.
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