Afire Love - Winter 2015/16

Winter 2015/16

“Good morning, handsome!”

Mark lifts his head from his reading as soon as he hears Mia enters the room and greets him with her cheerful voice. Mia placed a plastic bag full of fruits onto the coffee table. They both smiled at each other.

“Good morning too, gorgeous… You’re quite early today. What’s up?”

“Nothing… I just kinda… miss you. That’s all…”

Mark blushes and let out a small giggle then gently pats Mia’s head. I miss you, too…

Mia looks around and finally caught something unusual to her. She stares at Mark deeply. “You’re reading a novel? Like seriously, Mark? I only left you for one day. What have gotten into you? Who are you? Where’s my Mark?” She quickly cups Mark’s soft cheeks and continues to stare. Mark cracks up.

“Don’t look at me like that. It’s Jinyoung’s. He gave it to me last night during his shift. He’s doing his housemanship now. He said the story was good. I was bored to death so I kinda give it a go. I got nothing else to do anyway.” Mark smiles. Mia nods her head slowly but she still looks at him in disbelief. Mark Tuan reading a book is very a rare sight, really. Much weirder when the book he’s reading is a love based story.

Guess I should tell Jinyoung to stop spreading his virus to Mark…

“Why are the curtains closed?” Mia stands up and moves towards the window pane.

“Oh… I don’t know… One of the nurses had it closed, I guess. It’s been two days actually and no one seems to bother to open it up.”

“Two days? No wonder everything in this room looks gloomy and all. How can you even live in a day without seeing the sunlight?” Mia holds the curtains and pulls it to the end of the window pane. The room becomes brighter and instantly came into life.

“Now, that’s better.” Mia smiles and turns her back to face Mark. She saw Mark keep on staring without even blinking his eyes. Mia raises her arms and waves at Mark several times.

“Mark… Are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

“Mia… it’s…”

“It’s?”

“It’s snowing! Snow! Snowfall! Outside! Oh my god, is it winter already?! Why haven’t I noticed it? God…” Chains of words and sentences came out from Mark’s mouth faster than the bullet train. Mia laughs and walks towards Mark. She places herself in front of him.

“Okay, calm down. Control your breathing. Yes, it’s already winter and this is the first snow.”

“First… snow?” Mark widens his beautiful pair of eyes and looks at Mia. Mia holds his two hands, nods her head and sparks a smile. A wide grin suddenly spreads across Mark’s face. Mia looks into Mark’s eyes and she can clearly see eagerness inside it. Their hand grip tightens.

“Wanna do something crazy?” His eyes twinkle.

Her throat suddenly felt dry. I don’t like the sound of that…

Mia bit her lower lips. “On the scale of one to ten… how crazy is… that?”

-----

Mia stares at Mark who was already lost in his own world, playing with the snow. She grits her teeth and looks around the roof top. Mark shouldn’t be here. They shouldn’t be here. This is absolutely crazy. If any of the doctors or nurses caught them being up here, they will definitely be dead meats.

“Mark, I think we should go. We’re not supposed to be here. The doctors certainly will kill us if they find out you’re not in you room right now. Besides, it’s freezing cold.” Mia shouts from the end of the roof top. Mark, on the other end just laughs his heart out.

“Aww, don’t be a scaredy-cat. We’ll be fine.” He smiles and continues to play with the snow. Mia bit her lower lips and rushes towards Mark. She stands in front of him with her arms crossed. This boy…

“Don’t make that face, please… Come here, let me cheer you up.” With that, Mark quickly pulls Mia towards him and both of them fall onto the floor that was already covered with piles of pure white snow. They both stare at the open sky right above them and laugh.

“This is crazy, Mark Tuan.  We’re a now lying under the bright sky, with snow pouring from it and you’re not even wearing proper clothes for the weather. Seriously, you’ll catch a cold.”

“Just stop with the nagging and enjoy this beautiful scenery, shall we?”

Mia stares hard at Mark and slaps his shoulder hard.  “I hate you.”

Again, he just laughs it off.

They fell into silence; a comfortable one and kept on staring at the snow that falls beautifully from the sky. The view was spectacularly breathtaking and both of them sink deeply into their own world. Mia looks at Mark who’s still mesmerized with the snowfall. A tiny smile sparks on her face. Its freezing cold right now and she can sense her body slowly becomes numb but with Mark at her side, everything just feels so right.

“You remember, that one day at school, when we skipped Mr. Grey’s chemistry class and went up to the school roof top?” Mark suddenly broke the silence and turns his gaze towards Mia. She quickly nods her head and smiles.

“Of course… That’s when you confessed to me that you like me. You asked me to skip class with you, confessed and right after that, we were punished to do charity work at school for a week by Mr. Grey. All thanks to you.” Mia smirks and both of them laugh.

“Stop bringing up about the confession thingy. That’s not what I’m trying to point out. It’s embarrassing, you know.”

“Your embarrassment is my happiness.” She pinches his nose hard, causing Mark to shout in pain. Mia laughs. She then quickly stand up and runs away from Mark. Mark rises too. He scoops a handful of snow, balls it up and throws at Mia. Mia screams at the top of her lungs the moment the icy cold snowball hit her right arm. She does the same to Mark and the rest is history.

The fight was quite intense and they played with all their heart. They were certainly like a couple of kids trying to enjoy the wonderful winter at their fullest. Mark keeps on running, shouting and laughing as if this is his last day on Earth. He definitely wants to satisfy himself and grab all the chances that he still has. He wants to cherish this winter. He wants to leave this world without leaving any regrets behind.

After a few minutes, Mark suddenly stops throwing and kneels down onto the floor. “Mia… Wait… I need a minute…”

Mia hurriedly walks towards Mark and stops right in front of him.

“What’s wrong?” She shot a concern look at him.

“I’m… I’m cold… Freezing… cold…” Mark clenches his teeth. Mia quickly took him by the hand, breathe out some air and rub it profusely. She scrunches her eyebrows as she looks at him.

“See, I’ve told you. We shouldn’t be here. Your hands are deadly frozen and your skin… Look, you’re way paler than those hospital bed sheets.”

Mark coughs hard for a few times and tiny drops of blood started to drip out from his mouth. Mia stares at him. Her lips quiver terribly.

That definitely scares the shit out of her.

“Okay, we should stop playing right now and leave. You need to rest.” She bit her lips hard and tries to control her breathing. She was already on the edge of crying.

“Thank you… for giving me the chance to… enjoy the… snow…” He coughs again and this time, more blood comes out. He’s suddenly out of breath. He tries to stand up but his knees were already weak and it made him flops back onto the floor.

“Save your speeches, Mark Tuan. We need to leave, now…” She pulls his left arm, slings it onto her neck and helps him to stand up. Both of them walk slowly towards the door.

Mia grits her teeth and quietly took a peek at Mark. His face was still pale as if all the blood had drain off from his body. His eyelids were half closed and his breathing… it sounds heavy.

If anything bad happens to him, I’m so gonna blame myself for bringing him up here.

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t bring you here…” Her tears began to fall. She felt a sense of tightness in her chest. Her vision slowly becomes blurry. She can’t help herself from crying. Everything seems so wrong.

Mark smiles weakly. “Don’t be…”

“Sorry…” That’s the only word that escaped in between of her sobs.

“Don’t cry… There’s nothing to be sad… or regret… or to be worried about… I’m gonna be alright…”

She knows that those words are only meant to make her feel good. She knows, Mark’s lying—to her and to himself. She knows, there no guarantee things will be back to normal but still, she tries to shove away all the bad thinking and hoped that Mark will hold onto his words.

“Pro…mise?”

“Promise.”

-----

It’s Christmas Eve.

The room’s atmosphere somehow felt different than usual and he knows, it’s definitely because of the presence of the important ones that lit up the entire room. His friends and Mia are here, to celebrate Christmas with him.

At the corner of the room, Jinyoung and Jackson are bickering about who deserves to put the star on top of the Christmas tree. They have been arguing for about 20 minutes. Jaebum silently slides through them and properly put the star at its place. Both Jackson and Jinyoung were dumbfounded with Jaebum’s action and all the bickering and arguing instantly stop. Mark laughs.

Jaebum really know how to shut them down.

As for the maknaes, they were busy hanging all the decorations on the wall. Mark can clearly hear Bambam giving instruction to Yugyeom and Youngjae.

“Pull the string to the left. Oh wait no. Pull it to your right side. Okay… Err, why does it looks like it doesn’t belong there. Hmm, how about we hang those… there!” Bambam points to another side of the wall.

“Yah! This is the third time we change places. Can’t we just stick to this? Seriously, you can’t be an interior designer, Bam. You’re the worst.” Yugyeom burst out. Youngjae just shakes his head, drop himself on the sofa and sips a glass of coke while watching YugBam endless fight about the decorations.

Mia who went out earlier enters the room with a big box in her hands and carefully places it on the coffee table. She then walks towards Mark and sit herself besides him on the hospital bed.

“What’s with the fuss?” Mia looks at Mark.

He smiles. “Nothing. Just the usual YugBam fight.”

Mia nods softly. She then reaches something in her winter coat and pulls it out. She hand it over to Mark and smiles. He stares at Mia with an innocence look plastered on his face.

“Here, a gift for you.” A cheeky little smile hangs onto her lips while displaying a maroon colored beanie to him. She quickly removes the grey old beanie Mark was currently wearing and replaces it with the new one.

“I want to get you a red colored one but the store that I went only have this shade of red which for me, was way too red and definitely not a pretty one. So yeah, maroon it is. Sorry. I know you like red but as I said, that red was…”

“Mia…” Mark quickly cut off her words. He cups her face and stares into her beautiful eyes and giggles a bit. “It’s okay. Maroon is okay and I like it so don’t worry. Besides, maroon is also one of the numerous shades of red, so it’s okay. Thank you.”

His sincere words warm her heart and it certainly widens her smile. Their gazes met and time suddenly feels like stop ticking for a while. His wonderful smile certainly makes her feels like floating on cloud nine. God, I’m in love all over again.

“Only for Mark? Where’s mine?” Jackson’s loud voice and sudden question crashes down all the fantasies that started to build up in Mia’s mind. She glares at him spontaneously. Ugh, I was having a moment just now… Do you mind, Jackson Wang?

“You’ve been naughty this year so no Christmas present for you.” Mia said coldly while sticking her tongue out at Jackson. Jackson pouts and the whole room burst into laughs.

Each of them began taking places around the coffee table. Their eyes glisten as Mia laid all kinds of food on top of the table. No doubt they were feeling hungry because of all the decorating works plus the endless bickering and laughing. They sat quietly and pray (in their hearts) before digging in.

“Whoa noona, I never thought that you can cook. This is absolutely out of the world! So delicious, I could dieeeeeeeee~” Bambam clenches his heart, closes his eyes and ‘collapses’ onto Yugyeom. Yugyeom then quickly shove him away.

Mia laughs. “You’re being dramatic Bambam, like always.”

The others nod their heads in unison as a sign of agreeing with Bambam’s words. Mia smiles shyly but at the same time, she feels very satisfied deep down inside. She’s having a hard time preparing all the meals and was a having a high level of insecurity; whether they’ll like her cooking or not and their pleased faces answer it all. Who on Earth doesn’t feel euphoric when someone complimented their cooking?

After dinner, all eight of them were still circling the table-- chatting, sharing stories and doing some throwbacks, about what had happened throughout this year. They talked about Jinyoung’s bittersweet experiences of doing housemanship. They talked about Bambam’s embarrassing incident during senior’s prom night and how Yugyeom just laughed it off instead of helping his best friend during that night. They talked about how Jaebum’s finally reunited with his dear cat, Nora. They talked about Youngjae’s performance at one of the grand musical events and how outstanding it was. They talked about Jackson being dumped by three girls in a year and how funny it is because… he’s Jackson. How the hell he got dumped? He’s the hottest guy in college for God sake.

“Look, I’ve said so many times. It’s not me who was being dumped. I was the one who dumped them. Okay? Besides, i don't feel like dating anyone right now so no big deal and FYI I’m Jackson. I can get whoever I want.”

All of them went ‘eyyy’ and Yugyeom spontaneously hit Jackson’s chest.

“Shut up, hyung. All of your magic and swag have been worn out.” With that, the room was filled with laughter again. Jackson also, laughs and doesn’t take heart with what Yugyeom said.

Mark looks at each of every bright faces right in front of him. Miraculously, his lungs are behaving well tonight, no nausea attack and he doesn’t feel any pain at all. The only thing that he feels right now is happiness, pure happiness. Mark smiles and his eyes twinkles as all of them starts singing some Christmas songs, just to keep the holiday spirit alive.

It’s them who made him his heart contented. It’s them who made him realized there’s nothing in this world that can beat the magic of true friendship. They made him feel belonged, they are his home.

He silently prays to God to repay all of his friends’ kindness and give them all the happiness that exists in this world and protect them from any harm as they truly deserve it.

They are his miracles, not only in December… but since forever…

-----

He woke up in the middle of the night with his head throbbing hard. He blinks his eyes in the dark few times and gently places his hand to his forehead. To his surprise, his head was neatly wrapped with bandages. He began to think hard, his thought is running around, trying to recall back what exactly happened during the day.

He then remembered, he was going to the toilet this morning when suddenly his head started to spin around and began to have nausea attack (as always). His eyes saw numerous colors for a few seconds and then it when pitch black right after that. He concludes that he collapsed and banged his head against the wall which is why the bandages are perfectly fit to his head.

He sighs. I shouldn’t get hurt, not even a slightest cut on my skin… This will only make everything worst…

The feeling of frustration and anger suffocate him, making him hard to breathe all the air out from his pair of shitty lungs. He hates it whenever he has to gasp some air and suck it hard into his lungs. It’s certainly one hell of a pain.

God, just take my breath away, there’s no need to make me suffer like this…

After his breathing is finally back to stable state, something familiar caught his sight. Mark tries focusing his vision in the dark room and after a half minute, his vision together with his brain finally comprehends what he had saw just now.

He saw Mia, sleeping soundly, on the couch near the window, in his room.

One of the doctors or the nurses has certainly called her right after he collapsed and hurt himself this morning. She must have been here all day long. Mark carefully get up from his bed and walks towards Mia as quiet as possible. He stops right in front of her and squats down. Mark stares down at Mia and examines her face.

She seems tired and all the worries she had were undoubtedly shown on her face yet, she still look beautiful, just like the first time he saw her—back in their middle school days. Mark reaches out his fingers and slightly brushes a few strands of hair that covers her forehead and slips it behind her ear. His fingers then moves down to her soft cheeks and caress it, carefully not to wake her up. A sudden feeling of sadness seeps into his heart. He let out a soft sighs and continues to stare at Mia.

She doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve to stay up all night just to keep her eyes on him and fall asleep on the couch. She doesn’t deserve to have hospital as her second home. She doesn’t deserve to love a guy who was practically going to die soon. She doesn’t deserve to be worried and fretful 24/7. She doesn’t deserve all of this.

I don’t deserve her. She’s too good for me and I can’t do anything to repay her.

He gently covers Mia with a blanket right before heading back to his own bed. His sight falls onto the calendar-- on tomorrow’s date to be specific-- that was placed on the side table of the bed. Again, he sighs. He opens the drawer and pulls out a notebook with a pen from it.

Better starts doing a backup plan, in case things weren’t going well tomorrow…

With that, he places himself properly on the bed. Mark looks at Mia one last time and began to rant his heart out.

-----

They were all standing outside Mark’s room with the sense of nervousness that never seems to leave. They have been waiting outside for about half an hour and every minute that passed by feels like forever. of course, they had waited about 3 hours for the operation to ends plus one hour for the transferring procedure, bringing Mark from the OT back to his room. Mia at last slumps herself onto a bench as her knees began to feel weak. Jinyoung who was standing beside Jaebum swiftly move himself and sit next to Mia. He reaches for her shoulders and gently strokes her, just to ease her nervousness away. Jackson and the maknae line send each other a glance and back into deep silence. Jaebum who was standing next to the door with his back leaning to the wall, peeks a little into the room. He let out a heavy sigh and runs his fingers through his hair.

The doctor… they have been in there for almost an hour. What took them so long?

Exactly after those words run through Jaebum’s mind, the door opens widely. All of them quickly move towards it and hovers around the doctor. Dr. Kim looks at every each of the face that stood right in front of him and sighs. Mia bits her lips hard and was already on the edge of crying. Please, no bad news... I beg…

“Mark… He’s…” He pauses for a while. This is the hardest part in which every doctor in this world would agree. It’s not easy to tell them what is exactly happening and what the consequences are. But this is what they say, truth bites and lies hurt. Dr. Kim calmly breathes out and tries to give them a warm smile.

“To tell you the truth, the operation… doesn’t turn to be the way we want. We have removed a large portion of his lungs, where the infected area was but unfortunately, the cancerous cells… has spread to other organs in his body and were infected as well. I’m sorry…”

She stares at the doctor with mixed feelings and tears began to stream down her face. At some point, she feels like dragging the doctor away, beat him up, shred him into pieces and ask him what the hell he was doing. He said that he would save Mark but now…? Sorry? That’s all he could say?

But all of that were just in her mind and the only thing that escapes from the mouth was an almost inaudible ‘thank you’. Dr. Kim nods his head and told them that they can see Mark but do not disturb him as he need to rest, a lot, before leaving them. All of them just nod, thanked the doctor and enters the room.

Mia places herself on a seat right besides Mark. She held out her trembling hand and carefully slips it into Mark’s. There, all of them stood quietly, observing and watching Mark—watching his chest rise up and down in a slow pace, watching his pale face with tiny tube of oxygen supply being inserted into his nasal cavity.

After quite sometimes, Mark started to move his body-- though weakly, and opens his eyes just in time to see all of his friends were circling him. They didn’t utter a single word but Mark knows, from the way their eyes glisten, he can see shades of panic and sadness in them. He knows, deep down inside they were all worried about him.

“I’m alright… Everything’s alright… I’m o…kay…” Mark smiles weakly.

The moment Mark finishes his words, tears began to flood her face again. This time around, Mia cries her heart out. She can’t keep it anymore. She has to let it go for once. Mark hushes her. He raises one of his fingers and softly shed away the tears that smeared her pretty face and mouthed the word ‘don’t cry’. Mia stares at him and he also, did the same way. Their gazes met. Their hand grips tighten.

“Promise me… you’ll be okay. You’ll stay…” she says, in between of her sobs. Jackson, who was standing behind Mia, grabs her shoulders and gently caresses her arm. Mark looks at Mia and Jackson, back and forth and smiles again.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here… Don’t you worry…”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”